10 Things I Can Live Without...

1) "I'm DONE!!!" announcements coming from the bathroom, implying that whichever child is sitting on the toilet is expecting me to wipe their butt.
2) Going to the bathroom and seeing that a bowel movement was not flushed. It makes me wonder what else was not done after neglecting to flush...
3) Potty Training. Do I really need to go through this torture yet again to be diaper-free for the first time in over six years?
4) Slaving over a hot stove for dinner and then hearing, "Yucky!" It makes me want to serve liver and brussel sprouts for ten days consecutively (I'll give you yucky...).
5) Everyone else getting sick every time one of the kids getting sick.
6) Me getting sick every time everyone else is sick because I don't get any sick days.
7) People giving me the eye when I say I want a margarita at 9 o'clock in the morning.
8) People giving me the eye when I get a margarita at 10 o'clock in the morning.
9) Having to wake up in the middle of the night because Sam is screaming that he can't find his blankie (usually he's lying on top of it but doesn't realize it).
10) Fighting (Elysha told me today that for Mother's Day, she was going to be nice to Joey and not fight with her. "Just for that one day," she said so proudly...can't wait!).

Brain Puking Blog Post

Sorry for the long silence. I'm not sure why I haven't been writing. Probably because I am still tired. The kids have been sleeping better though we still get the occasional early morning cry from Sam. I've taught Joey how to tell time so she knows to not come into our room before 7am. Elysha continues to sleep blissfully until she gets woken up. I don't know what it is but I am exhausted.

I've decided to keep the kids home with me for five weeks. If I put the kids in school all summer, it would cost over $6000 for two months. So it makes fiscal sense to have them home with me. I think I can handle it (I think I can, I think I can). I have already devised a daily morning and afternoon schedule for those five weeks in order to keep myself from freaking out. It consists of hikes, beach trips, museum trips, library trips, as well as cooking classes from Chef Mommy and Korean classes from Uhmma (just the alphabet and basic words would be awesome). If the kids and I come out of July alive but absolutely nothing accomplished, I will still consider it a success. If you hear a sudden burst of song August 2nd in the morning, it will be me singing hallelujah, the kids are all in school!

Another part of my fatigue is probably all the playdates I have been hosting. I still feel like Joey has yet to really find her groove with her friends at school. I am getting the sense that the person Joey likes the most in her class doesn't feel the same way about her. So I am trying to help Joey build stronger connections with other classmates but that means hosting two to three playdates a week. Of course, if I host one playdate for Joey, then I feel obliged to do the same for Elysha. It's such a foreign concept to me that I have to work this hard for my kids to have friends. Growing up, all of the families in our little cul-de-sac had kids around the same age. After school, we would all hang out on our street and play kick ball or ride bikes. Or I would just go over to my best friend's house who lived a couple doors down from me. There was no organization for playdates. Everyday was a playdate.

I'm sure I had homework in elementary school but I don't remember ever doing any. But everyday there is the stress of getting Joey's homework done and then practicing piano and hopefully reading a little bit. All this while trying to not completely ignore Elysha and Sam, as well as do the dishes from the day and then cook a dinner that would make Jamie Oliver proud. I think I just feel worn down from the daily routine. Not to mention Chang's upcoming birthday, and converting our office to a guest room, and an impending visit from my sister in law, and errands for my mom, and dealing with my dad.

I hope I don't sound depressed because I am not...though after writing all this I think I should be! As much as my life drives me insane, I know that I am still blessed. I have a good life and my complaints are trivial in the grand scheme of things. But I am still counting down the days until August 2! I will finally get a break and (gasp!) be on my own for the first time in almost seven years. I can't even wrap my head around the idea of it but I am sure I will get used to it really quick!

Zombieland and Other Dead Things

Chang and I are looking and acting scary these days. For the last week or two (feels like forever), the kids have been waking up in the middle of the night. Not sure what is up but all I know is that we are miserably tired.

We also had a mysterious smell coming from Sam's room. We thought it was a runaway diaper so we were looking everywhere. I washed everything inside the room. Chang steam cleaned the carpets and the bathroom floor in the kids' bathroom. We were sure it was one too many potty accidents or a mystery diaper. But the smell persisted. Finally I began to wonder if something died under our house. We just put up screens on all crawl space access points under our house. Sure enough, a possum breathed its last vermin breath under our house and nature was taking its course. So gross!

So sorry for the long absence but I have been functioning on very little brain cells as lack of sleep and the toxic fumes have been killing the already limited quantity on hand.

Why Elysha Needs a Big Bed

Back on Track

Sorry for being so bad about missing out on the blogging world these last couple of months. I don't even remember what made the summer so crazy except that the girls were home for about a month. Yeah, I guess that would make my life pretty crazy having three kids home with me 24/7...

I completely quit Savvy now that I helped them transition over to their new format. It's strange not having anything other to do except just the normal household stuff. I feel like I have so much time on my hands now.



We've had to wake up earlier so that we can get Joey to school on time. I don't know if it is due to lack of sleep but we have all been really cranky. By the time the kids go to sleep, I am so tired that I just completely veg in front of the TV while eating ice cream. I have discovered the CW shows and I am officially in love with America's Top Model. I find it completely fascinating but I'm not sure why. Maybe it is because I enjoy hating these vapid pretty girls and their petty catfights...but that doesn't explain the tears of sympathy I shed for the girls who get kicked off, and why I am so looking forward to watching the new episode tonight!

Sam had a verbal explosion and he talks like crazy. It's really cute and a huge relief that he can communicate his needs instead of pointing his fingers and grunting. But he also says things like, "That's funny Mommy!" or "Stop it, Daddy!" or "I want ice cream."



We ran out of formula and I decided it's time to say good-bye to the bottle. I thought it would be a difficult transition since the moment he sees his little 4 oz bottle of formula at night, he would grab it, open the cap, start drinking it, go to his sisters and say good-night (and give them a big formula-tasting kiss), and then grab his blankie and a book, climb up the glider and get ready for bed. He loved his bottle and honestly, I loved giving it to him. It was my way of hindering his development and keeping him my little baby. Obviously, he was ready to move on because he hasn't had any problems with the adjustment. Now it is just the thin but super-absorbent line of diapers that keeps Sam in babyland. But that is something I would be more than happy to be done with so we'll start working on potty training. I have no idea how to potty train a boy so this will be a challenge I'm sure.



Joey has a loose tooth! She is so excited. "I'm going to get A LOT of money from the tooth fairy!" she exclaimed. Without looking at her I said, "Mmmm, maybe not a lot of money. Maybe just a quarter which you can put in your piggy bank and put towards your college savings."



We have also been working on Joey not sucking her thumb since August. For the last few years, she has said that she wanted to stop but it was hard for her to commit to it. I finally broke down a bought a thumb guard and it worked really well. Within a week, she didn't need it during the days. At nights, however, she pulls it off and sucks her thumb. But since her tooth came loose, she said that she stopped sucking at nights too because we told her that it might make her tooth come out too early and it will hurt. So Joey might have finally stopped with her thumb sucking which is a major achievement. She found her thumb at three months and has sucked it non-stop since then.

My Little Angels (or Not)

Yes, they look so angelic here. And how cute that they fell asleep like this. BUT!!! They found nail polish from their trip to Disneyworld's princess boutique and decided to paint all of their legs and feet with the nail polish. Chang and I check on them every night before we go to sleep and I could smell the nail polish. I freaked out that they got it all over their ridiculously expensive PBK bedsheets. I grabbed a flashlight and checked out the beds. Whew...it looked okay. I went into their bathroom and I saw that they tried to scrub off the evidence with their bath scrubbie and soap. But no huge globs of nail polish. Again, whew...then I looked at their hands and feet and saw that they decided to paint their bodies.

They must have been holding each other in fear that I would unleash my wrath upon them in the morning. I was peeved but how do you stay mad at something so silly?

Bunk Bed

We got bunk beds for the girls. I am a little freaked out about one of the girls falling off the top bunk bed but there is no way we can get two desks into their room otherwise. One day, out of the blue, Joey told me she really wanted bunk beds. I thought, well, if they want it and we want to get it for them, might as well...

After we told them they were getting bunk beds and that Joey is going to sleep on top, Elysha whined incessantly about wanting to sleep on top. At first I tried to explain to her that since Joey is older, she needs to be on top. And then I tried to make it sound cool because Elysha gets to be on the bigger bed on the bottom. But nope, whine, whine, whine. So then, whenever Joey would bring up the bunk beds and Elysha started whining, I would just tell them to stop talking about it because the beds weren't even here so it is a moot issue.

Well, we got the beds in yesterday and it looks great. The girls got home from school and immediately played on the top. Elysha whined about wanting to sleep on top but a little less vociferously. By nightfall, the whining had stopped. I think the reality of being so high up scared her. I got home from the Kindergarten Conversation and they were already sound asleep so I didn't go in to say good-night. Chang said that the girls seemed a little sad to not be able to see each other while sleeping.

When I went in to check on them before I went to bed, I found Joey on the edge of Elysha's bed on the bottom. It looked like Joey had snuck onto Elysha's bed while Elysha was already sleeping because Elysha was in the middle and Joey was on the edge of the bed, literally about to fall off. So I moved them both in and thought it was so cute that for all their brave words, they were both too scared to sleep on top.

I'm sure this is going to be just one of the many times that the girls and even Sam will profess to be ready to move onto the next stage, but when it comes down to it, they are just as scared as I am to let them move on. They're my babies and they always will be.

Tired

Well, I am tired but my title is in reference to my baby Sam. I was checking on him tonight after Chang put him to sleep and as I approached his room, I could hear him a low, rumbling sound. Baffled by the unusual noise coming from my baby's room, I thought perhaps it was a motorcycle in the distance or a burly squirrel squeaking around our property. Every morning, I see the underside of a squirrel. Without fail, one of the thousands of squirrels on our property climbs on top of our domed skylight and then freaks out on the decent. Who knows. Maybe they are doing it on purpose. Like our skylight is a skate park or something, and they are getting cheap thrills as they slide down the other side.

As I opened the door to Sam's room, the sound became louder and it was very rhythmic. I realized it was him snoring. Loudly. Like his father. Like a freight train. Like it can prevent you from falling asleep, it is so loud. Like his father. I thought that perhaps he was contorted, possibly choking on his blankie/lovie. Nope. In his usual, dog position, all four paws on one side, arms and legs straight out. I already feel bad for his future spouse.

I will have to keep Sam with me when I am at my mom's next week. What if he starts snoring like this? We will be sleeping together and I'm certain I will be exhausted. Though I have mastered the art of sleeping with a snoring spouse, I don't think my tricks are going to work with Sam. I don't think I have the option of shoving him to his side to give myself a 30-second window of silence. And I don't think baby Breathe Right exists.

Speaking of sleeping, we check on the girls every night before we go to bed and we found them like this:

How cute! Also, notice the hundreds of thousands of dolls, stuffed animals, pillows, etc that they have on their bed. It is ridiculous and they hardly leave any room for themselves to actually sleep on their beds. Well, I guess it is practice for when they sleep in bed with their future spouse who is a BED HOG!

Feeling Lazy Part Deux

I took a nap today and it felt soooo good.

It's not like I haven't taken naps on other days, but usually it is accidental. Like when Sam was still a newborn. I would startle awake because I didn't even realize I fell asleep. It's like a scene in a movie where the protaganist wakes up unaware of his location. He stares at his blood-covered hands and the still, silent body next to him. He begins to panick--what the hell happened? For me, I would wake up, my boob sticking out, breastmilk splattered everywhere, and there is a still, silent body on top of me, sleeping soundly. I look down and all I can see is a mass of boobs, baby and bulging belly--not knowing where one ended and the other began. There is that sense of unrecovered memory and time as I slowly gain consciousness. Ugh, those days were so exhausting.

But today, I concocted this plan from the moment I woke up. Today is the day, I thought to myself. I am going to take a nap when I put Sam down to for his morning nap. To hell with my shower and my playgroup meeting. I want this. No, I need this.

I put Sam down to sleep (and because he is perfect, he fell asleep almost the instant we stepped into his room). I went back to my bed (which, because my hubby is perfect, was already made). I slipped underneath the covers and lay in the middle. It is so nice to be able to cover the width of the bed with my own body. I moved my arms and legs up and down, as if I were making snow angels. Then I turned my body and wrapped myself around in our plush blanket, closed my eyes, smiled and zzzzzzzzzzz.

Happy 10 months Sam!

I can't believe my baby is so close to one year now. I am so sad. He is growing up way too fast and despite all my efforts to slow down his development, he is leaving babyhood and entering toddlerhood.


I went to the doctor yesterday and weighed Sam. He is 23 1/2 lbs. He is slowing down in his weight gain now that he is crawling (we were actually there for Joey who also has an ear infection like Elysha did).


There are nights when I put Sam to sleep that I just hold him. I love staring at his chubby cheeks pressed against my chest. His juicy lips slightly separated. Every little exhale sounds like a sigh. That look of total, unadulterated surrender is so beautiful and pure. I hold him until my longing ache for his infancy subsides. Those days when he fit in the crook of my arm and slept most of the day away. When it made sense to hold him because he would wake up in 30 minutes anyhow. Those days when I forgot to savor feeling his breath on my face because I too was in a sleepy trance.

I know this sounds kind of creepy but I watch Chang sleep every now and then. First of all, the guy falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow. Literally. So I look over at him, envious that sleep comes so easily for him. But I love how even as an adult, he looks so peaceful when he is asleep. Even while he snores away, I am reminded at how much I love him. But my love only runs so deep...when I am ready to join him in his slumber, I shove him away so he will shift onto his side. This gives me a five minute window to fall asleep before he starts snoring away again.

Morning People

One of the reasons why Chang is the best hubby ever is because he lets me sleep in the mornings. These days, Sam is the first person in the house to wake up. Chang will get him and give him a bottle. Around this time, Joey will wake up too. So the three of them have been hanging out in the mornings while Elysha and I sleep a little longer in our respective beds.

Joey really dotes on Sam and helps out a lot in taking care of him.

Awww.......

One of the reasons why Sam is a perfect baby is he will sleep if he is tired. With both Joey and Elysha, I did the whole pacing around the room while bouncing to get them to sleep at 1am when they were newborns. I never did this with Sam.

Sometimes I will stick him into the car first before I load it up with our gear. If he is tired enough, he will fall asleep in his car seat before I have even gotten into the car.

A side note but one I want to document for myself...Sam has some pet characteristics which are adorable.

First of all, he sleeps on his side with his arms and legs sprawled out like a dog:

Secondly, when he is trying to amuse himself, he crawls around the hardwood with a toy in his hand. Then he purposely lets go and hits the toy so it will propel a couple feet in front of him. He will then crawl up to the toy again and hit it again to send the toy spinning. He does this several times until the toy inevitablely gets stuck underneath a table or chair, or something else catches Sam's eye. Don't cats do this?

Two down, one more to go...

Elysha is potty-trained. It literally happened overnight. On Monday, she said she wanted to wear underwear. By Friday, she was in underwear all day with no accidents. Plus, she was playing mind games with us for so long that the girl can hold her bladder for 5 hours. What finally got her to go consistently on the potty? A goodie bag from which she could pick a prize each time she went on the potty. The girl was holding out for more than cookies.

To add to my excitement, Sam slept 12 hours two nights ago and only woke up once last night. Despite being sick with bronchitis, I am feeling so refreshed these days. Unfortunately with my sickness, I completely lost my appetite. So my milk has diminished. I am thinking of just letting it go...the thought of eating like a teenage boy on steroids to get my milk back exhausts me. So another milestone, the last time I will ever breastfeed may be closer than I thought. It actually is making me cry. =( Sam made the most adorable sound when he nursed at nighttime. Everytime he swallowed, it almost sounded like a sigh...like the sound of bliss and perfect contentment. I always wanted to record it but never did...and now he doesn't make that sound anymore.

Happy 5 months Sam!

I know that I am biased since not only did I give birth to him, I nearly died in the process (ha ha--I love to play that card a lot with Chang!). Sam is just so scrumptious! I just want to bite off every morsel of fat on his body. I've been putting him down to sleep at the same time as the girls and he sleeps from then until around 3-4am. So he sleeps a good 7-8 hours now. He is very happy on his belly but still hasn't figured out how to roll over. I don't put him on his tummy very much because I am concerned that he will figure out how to crawl. Whenever he is on his belly, he pushes his legs. He isn't moving forward but he is turning his body around. Seriously, I know I'm a bad mom but I just can't deal with another mobile child yet.

Look at what I can do! I also like to suck on my toes. Tasty!

Worth all the trouble

Tonight, after I put Sam down to sleep (he's been going down for the night at 8:30-9pm and just waking once until 8am the next day--wohoo! But I can't fall asleep these days until 2am. I think I just enjoy having the run of the house to myself, even though it is between the hours of 11pm to 2am), I went into the girls' room to say goodnight. I had each one in the crook of my arm and they took turns telling me that they "super duper love me." I have no delusions of winning mother of the year--I'm impatient, distracted, and tired with the kids. But they still super duper love me. We talk about how we as parents have unconditional love for our kids, but sometimes, I think the kids do a better job of showing us unconditional love. Without an inhibitions, they will smother you with kisses and hug you like they never want to let you go...how awesome is that (as Joey likes to ask these days)?

All my babies...

I love his juicy lips that has drool all over...I think he's teething already.

I think Sam is starting to look more like Elysha these days.

Sam slept through the night!

So this is what it feels like to have eight hours of sleep. Ahhhhhhhhh! In fact, he is still asleep (11:30pm to 9:30am). And when he wakes up, generally, he doesn't cry. He just sucks his hand. I have to go in and check on him to make sure that he isn't awake. So sweet.

He is also becoming a mama's boy. All my babies preferred me while I was nursing them. But at some point, Joey and Elysha became daddy's little girls. Sam is definitely smitten with me and the attachment seems greater with him for some reason. There are times, especially when he is tired, where he will be crying inconsolably when someone else is holding him. The moment I am in viewing distance to him, he stops crying. And when I hold him in my arms, he starts smiling and laughing.

I forget how cute they are when they are hungry and they know they are about to eat. Sam gets all excited--his arms start flopping around and his mouth is wide open. While he eats, he just stares into my eyes (I don't remember the girls doing this as much), and then afterwards, such a look of contentment...

Drunk on breastmilk...

The Slight Edge

Believe it or not, I have been having problems falling asleep at night (too tired maybe?). Anyhow, I started reading this book called "The Slight Edge" and it is a great book. It talks about the little things we do everyday that can help us to lead a successful life (however we define success). The author (Jeff Olson--founder of 4 multi-million dollar organizations) believes that success does not happen overnight. It is the little decisions we make, compounded over time, that allow us to be successful. As the "microwave" generation of instant gratification, we give up to easily because we do not see the fruits of our labor.

This book has really inspired me to reflect upon my daily life and think of the little changes I could make that can help me to be more successful (as I define it):

Spend a few moments praying on my own
Read the Bible (even if it's just a short passage)
Read 10 pages of a personal development book
Snuggle/chat with all my loved ones for a few minutes
Exercise
Cut out the junk food

I always feel like I have devote tons of time to each of these things which is why I always choose not to do it. But now I realize that something is better than nothing and a little bit overtime, it adds up and will make an impact in my life. I may not see the results immediately but I must have the faith that it will make a difference and I'll be a better person for it.

More info on "The Slight Edge."
http://www.topachievement.com/slightedge.html