Brain Puking Blog Post

Sorry for the long silence. I'm not sure why I haven't been writing. Probably because I am still tired. The kids have been sleeping better though we still get the occasional early morning cry from Sam. I've taught Joey how to tell time so she knows to not come into our room before 7am. Elysha continues to sleep blissfully until she gets woken up. I don't know what it is but I am exhausted.

I've decided to keep the kids home with me for five weeks. If I put the kids in school all summer, it would cost over $6000 for two months. So it makes fiscal sense to have them home with me. I think I can handle it (I think I can, I think I can). I have already devised a daily morning and afternoon schedule for those five weeks in order to keep myself from freaking out. It consists of hikes, beach trips, museum trips, library trips, as well as cooking classes from Chef Mommy and Korean classes from Uhmma (just the alphabet and basic words would be awesome). If the kids and I come out of July alive but absolutely nothing accomplished, I will still consider it a success. If you hear a sudden burst of song August 2nd in the morning, it will be me singing hallelujah, the kids are all in school!

Another part of my fatigue is probably all the playdates I have been hosting. I still feel like Joey has yet to really find her groove with her friends at school. I am getting the sense that the person Joey likes the most in her class doesn't feel the same way about her. So I am trying to help Joey build stronger connections with other classmates but that means hosting two to three playdates a week. Of course, if I host one playdate for Joey, then I feel obliged to do the same for Elysha. It's such a foreign concept to me that I have to work this hard for my kids to have friends. Growing up, all of the families in our little cul-de-sac had kids around the same age. After school, we would all hang out on our street and play kick ball or ride bikes. Or I would just go over to my best friend's house who lived a couple doors down from me. There was no organization for playdates. Everyday was a playdate.

I'm sure I had homework in elementary school but I don't remember ever doing any. But everyday there is the stress of getting Joey's homework done and then practicing piano and hopefully reading a little bit. All this while trying to not completely ignore Elysha and Sam, as well as do the dishes from the day and then cook a dinner that would make Jamie Oliver proud. I think I just feel worn down from the daily routine. Not to mention Chang's upcoming birthday, and converting our office to a guest room, and an impending visit from my sister in law, and errands for my mom, and dealing with my dad.

I hope I don't sound depressed because I am not...though after writing all this I think I should be! As much as my life drives me insane, I know that I am still blessed. I have a good life and my complaints are trivial in the grand scheme of things. But I am still counting down the days until August 2! I will finally get a break and (gasp!) be on my own for the first time in almost seven years. I can't even wrap my head around the idea of it but I am sure I will get used to it really quick!

Not Exactly a Lump of Coal...

Around this time of the year, I begin to hoard things for the kids. Stuff that they would normally receive right away, such as toothbrushes and toothpaste. All these items get wrapped and placed under the tree. They may not be the most exciting gifts but when wrapped in festive decorations, the wow factor gets kicked up a notch.

So on the dawn of Christmas morning, the kids will be getting goodies such as underwear, fleece pants, Scholastic books, and toothbrushes. I did get them a couple fun items too like:

For Joey

For Elysha

For Sam

The functional gifts remind me of the prizes we would win at picnics hosted by our 1st Generation Korean churches. After winning a potato sack race, we got to choose from an assortment of prizes ranging from toilet paper to bar soap. It was disappointing as an eight year old to walk away with toothpaste, but if it was wrapped in snazzy wrapping paper, I'm pretty sure I would have been more excited.

First Day of School Memories

Joey started Kindergarten camp today at her new elementary school. She has been counting down the days all summer long. She was so excited this morning and when I picked her up, she looked really happy. I wanted to hear all about what she did and here is what she told me:

The other kids lied--but she didn't because she knew it was wrong.
The other kids called one of the teachers names and laughed--but she didn't laugh because she thought it was mean.
The other kids are a lot shorter than she is--she thought they were four but then realized that they are all in kindergarten too. "I'm really tall."
She doesn't have to know how to read or do math yet (looks like I may have to sign her up for Kumon after all).

Okay, so I have a goody-two shoes for a daughter. And she may not become the most popular child in the class since she won't participate in rude behavior, she's freakishly tall, and she is advanced in her studies. I am okay with that, and I'm trying to encourage her to find a friend in class that is as prudish as she is so that she will be a good girl all through adolescence and not date until she's 25. But I also love that she appears to have a strong distinction between right and wrong and isn't afraid to stand up for herself.

The other day at the park, these boys were making a game out of running away from Sam. Joey perceived it to be mean and told me what they were doing (these boys are about Joey's age). I told her it was just a game and that it was okay. But she went up to them and said, "Please don't do be mean to my little brother." The boys listened to her and stopped their game.

We got the girls desks at PBK. Ever since I mentioned getting her a desk for kindergarten, Joey has been waiting with bated breath. Chang picked up one desk and assembled it today. It was like Christmas in August. I was talking to my mom about Joey's excitement about school. She asked me if I remembered how excited I always was about the first day of school. I do--I remember lying awake at night going through the next day in my head. Who would be in class? What would my teacher be like? How excited I was about my new Hello Kitty pencil case or my new burgundy backpack. Even in college, I could never sleep before the first day of classes. I always loved getting my backpack ready, laying out my favorite new outfit, trying to figure out a new hairstyle--I get a big smile on my face just thinking about it now. I guess I should get Joey and Elysha a new outfit for the first day of school. That would make me, I mean them, so thrilled!

Mini Chang

Chang took Sam to get a haircut. He swears he didn't ask for it, but the woman gave him the EXACT same haircut. I don't like it. It makes Sam look older and that makes me sad.

It was an emotional weekend for me, reasons that I have never been good talking about. Times like these helps me to realize how blessed I am: I have the most amazing husband and three adorable children who embody unconditional love. The great thing about kids is that they are always willing to give you hugs and kisses and make you feel like you are the best thing that ever graced the face of this earth.

I also had a couple interesting conversations with Joey this weekend. I told Joey that I am excited and sad about her starting kindergarten. She asked me why I was sad. I told her because after she is all done with school, when she is 18 years old, she can go anywhere she wants to go for college. I told her that I went far away to Boston for school. She thought about it and said that she wanted to stay close to home. "Promise?" I asked her. "I promise," she assured me. I know I talk big about downsizing to a one bed room cottage on the beach after Sam goes to college so that they can NEVER move back in with us. But I have a feeling there will always be room at the inn.

Also, Joey told me that one of her friend's older brother told her friend that there is no God. I asked Joey what she thought. She said that she believed God was real. I told her I believe so too. Then I told her that she has to hold onto her belief no matter what other people say. It is so cool how at this age, her faith seems so unshakable.

We are getting ready for Elysha's birthday. We're having a very small party at our house again and invited Silvermist to join in on the festivities. I try to not talk about her party with her because I don't want her to talk about it at school. I've been preoccupied with other stuff so I don't have my normal spreadsheets (well, I still have one but with less details and tables than I normally have). Hopefully it will also still go well.

Do You Believe in Magic?

The girls still believe in fairy tales, that all the characters they see on TV or DVDs are real. I think it is very sweet. The other day Joey said that one of her friends told her that the princesses are not real. I asked her what she thought. Joey said that she believed they are real. So I told her that I thought they were real too.

As far as I am concerned, I want them to believe in fairies and Santa Claus as long as possible. Isn't that what childhood is about? The line between fantasy and reality should be thin and invisible. Once such belief is gone, it is gone forever. I want them to believe in magic as long as possible.

My Beautiful Girls

I forgot to post a picture of my mommy. We met her the week before mother's day. Growing up, my mom was a girlie girl and being rebellious, I was anti-glam. I think I wore jeans, a Hanes t-shirt, and flip-flops every day my senior year in high school. Still don't know how to do my hair and recently realized that make-up really can be a good friend. And yeah, starting to really love shoes. I must have like 15 pairs now--which is a lot for me.

Anyhow, my mom has always loved shoes. The one and only time I ever heard her curse in English was when she scrapped her Ferragamo boots against a brick wall. So I have been buying her really nice shoes these days for special occasions. But I figured she deserves it. She is a survivor in so many ways and she still tries to take care of us. It is about time I treat her to luxuries that she would never buy for herself.

My kun-emo--she is my second mom. Of course, my little babies. Joey, with her poses (seriously, where did she learn that from?) and Elysha with her precious smile. Okay, Sam isn't a girl but he is attached to my hip so he is an extension of me.

I am so blessed to have such beautiful women in my life.

Our Immigrant-like Day in the Snow

We drove out to Mt Baldy to play in the snow. Originally, I figured the girls can ghetto it up by wearing jeans with leggings underneath, a rain jacket with a sweatshirt and sneakers...you know, just like their mama did during those church winter retreats in which we would actually encounter patches of snow. I didn't own any real snow gear until I started skiing in sixth grade.

Anyhow Chang went to REI earlier in the month and got the kids (including Sam) snow jackets. At first, I scoffed at the idea but REI is having a really good sale! He got Joey a size 8 which is way too big so I went back to exchange the jacket and got suckered into buying the kids (including Sam) snow pants.

We had a blast on the little patches of snow that we found on the side of the road with the other families who didn't want to pay the $8 per person to get into the tubing park. The kids didn't need a lot of snow to actually enjoy it. What made Chang and I snicker is the fact that there were a ton of ethnic people at the make-shift free snow park. It reminded me of my childhood.

I want to rent a winnebago every summer and drive around the US to different landmarks. It may sound cheap but it is still four star compared to the one family vacation I had as a kid. My dad converted an econoline van into a motel with a couple plywood planks, some sleeping bags and a propane portable stove. I have no idea where we bathed those few weeks we were on the road, but we got to see the Grand Canyon, Mt Rushmore, Old Faithful and some ginormous statue of Paul Bunyan in some state. Am I weird that I really want to fight the "Jefferson's" mentality of movin' on up? As I wrote before, the kids need to "slum" it up more...get some ethnic upbringing into their memories to balance out the good life that they are living.