Blood Curdling Cries

I took Joey (with Elysha and Sam in tow) to get her blood drawn today. Standard tests for a five year--checking for anemia and lead exposure.

I thought it wouldn't be too bad since she did so well with her four shots yesterday. Boy was I wrong...

I forgot the stroller today so I had Sam strapped in the Ergo. Luckily there was a bench to do the blood draw so I was able to sit there and then pull Joey's 45 lbs body up to me while Sam's 25 lb body was already strapped to me. She kept trying to slink down but one of the lab technicians (yes, there was more than one) held her down so she couldn't come off. So then Joey pressed her body against mine in the vain attempt to somehow get absorbed into my body--at least that is what it felt like. I held down one arm and the female tech held down the other and she kept saying, "We're going to have to prick you more than once if you keep moving around, I promise you." She has a son and I guess she is a tough love mother like I am. The male tech was like a deer caught in headlights with the wriggling and blood-curdling screaming. The female tech yelled out, "Hurry up and get her blood now!" The guy was trying to be nice but then he realized he just had to get in and get out. As he came closer with the needle, Joey started screaming louder so he yelled out, "Cover her eyes!" So now I have one hand on Joey's right arm and the other hand around her eyes. At this point, Sam becomes fascinated with my hair and decides to pull on it with all his might. So I started screaming too. I pry his fist off my hair but not without letting him pull out a big chunk of my hair. All the while, Elysha shoved herself between the male tech and Joey, with her big eyes even wider as she sees the transparent line leading to the test tube, all filled with blood.

It's done. Joey walks about with a couple of stickers, still sniffling. We all have our wounds, except Sam who is eating my hair at this point. We walk out and Elysha seems to be the most traumatized.
"I don't want them to pinch me like that when I turn five. I won't let them do it."
"It's a long time from now, Elysha, just forget about it," I growl.
"Noooo! I won't let them do it when I turn five," insists Elysha.
"Everyone has to do it Elysha," injects Joey. I can hear Joey laughing mentally, "muhahaha."

To cheer her up, I bought $35 worth of King crab legs from Costco for dinner tonight and let her eat some Starbursts. All is well again.

The Right to Freak Out

I am one of those moms who is very relaxed about my children's health. I don't take them to the doctor for every cough or fever. If it persists for a long period of time, then I take them in. But generally, things clear up on their own. In fact, when Elysha was six weeks old, she had a urinary tract infection and I had no idea. She was jaundiced and I assumed it was normal. But the doctor thought it peculiar that her bilirubin levels were still high so she ordered blood work. I almost didn't go in because the lab is two blocks away, parking is a pain, and I had Joey with me (who at the time was 18 months old). We went, the nurse pricked her heels, Elysha was bawling, and I was calm. The nurse said it was obvious that I wasn't a first time mom because I wasn't freaking out.

Speaking of being calm, when I was in the ER bleeding out a week after giving birth to Sam, the doctors and nurses were moving in slow motion with me since my blood pressure was normal and I was being so cool. Then they uncovered the sheet that was over my legs and suddenly went into lightening speed, yelling around me, ordering the crash cart. At one point, one of the ER docs yelled out, "Get anyone in here from the labor and delivery unit because I have no idea what is going on and she's losing a lot of blood." I wanted to panic but logically thought it would not be beneficial at that point in time and decided to just keep my cool. Obviously you know the end of that story. While I was recovering, the doctors and nurses kept coming into the room remarking on how peaceful I was during the hours of drama.

Well, today I took Sam and Joey to the doctors for their check-ups. Sam grew two inches in the last two months so he is 80th percentile in height but he lost some weight so now he is only 60th percentile in weight. Otherwise, very healthy though the rashes are still a mystery. But I'm not going to freak out about them.

Joey is 44 inches and 45 lbs. She's dense and very tall. She kept asking if she was going to get shots and I kept telling her I didn't know. Then I joked about her last experience (three grown adults vs. one feisty child) and she laughed about it too. She ended up needing four shots and she did great. She closed her eyes and covered her ears. Don't ask me why the ears, but hey, it worked.

Then Joey reminded me to tell the doctor that her ears have been bothering her. Oh, that's right, I almost forgot! For the last few weeks, Joey has been complaining that she hasn't been feeling well. I thought she had a mild cold or just tired from the holidays, her birthday celebrations, Disneyland, etc. I basically told her to suck it up. I did let her stay home one day (which meant Elysha had to stay home) and gave her a couple doses of Tylenol because she wanted it. But I thought nothing of it. Today, the doctor told me he heard a heart murmur. Coupled with the information about her complaining about fatigue and an echogenic focus on her left ventricle on an ultrasound completed when she was in utero, he decided to refer us to a pediatric cardiologist. It was like locks on a dam were being raised. I could feel something well up inside me but I wanted to keep it together for the kids. I told Chang after the appointment and he is always Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected. So the rest of the evening was free of drama.

But I was eating my HD coffee ice cream watching TV tonight and decided to watch ER. Bad choice. A kid dies of leukemia and because of its atypical presentation, it wasn't diagnosed until too late. I was bawling. I'm positive that Joey is healthy. Most heart murmurs are normal. But still, mentally, for me to process that there is an ever-so-slight possibility that Joey could be sick? I feel like I have every right to freak out.

I Must Be Good

So you all know about my PB job. I was having a lot of fun working in the beginning and it still is fun. But then it started to get annoying because they kept scheduling me. During the holidays, they were putting me on 8 hour shifts both weekend days. Needless to say, it made me miss some holiday gatherings and family time. Now that the holidays are over and things have slowed down, I figured they would schedule me once a month, maybe twice. Nope...they keep scheduling me. It might be just four hours once a week, but we're busy these days! Birthday parties to attend, Superbowl to watch, and we want to go to on a couple more ghetto snow trips.

When I first started working there, my A.R. over-achiever self was in full gear, "Do you mind if I organize this area? All the towels are not folded the same way. Is there a broom anywhere? I noticed some lint of the floor. Is there Windex? I noticed some streaks on this glass." Plus, my general manager made the comment that if I kept selling the way I was selling (we DON'T get paid commission btw), then she was going to want me to work all the time. Then my W-2 for the year came in. I think I must have worked 500 hours and it netted about $50 in pay (minus a couple thousand in furniture and Christmas presents). So wow, it really is just not worth it.

Now, my strategy is to become a slacker employee. At least I tell myself that. But it is just no use. I'm a nerd--a sit-in-the-front-row-middle-of-the-class-and-wave-my-hands-in-the-air-yelling "I know, I know" nerd. Damn, it is hard being this perfect.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Joey lies. She's been doing it for a couple years now. She has also tried to steal from my mom once but my mom knew exactly what she was doing and warned me. The stealing episode was when she was three years old. Scary huh? I have friends whose kids are emotionally manipulative and my kids are not there yet (thank God). But lying...already? At age five, the only thing she can really lie about is whether or not she brushed her teeth or washed her hands after using the bathroom. Unfortunately for her, though her lips may speak falsehoods, her eyes scream out the truth. When she lies, she turns her face down so her eyes get really big and fearful.

Me: Joey, did you wash your hands?
Joey: (slowly and quietly responds) yes?
Me: Joey, please don't lie. Did you wash your hands?
Joey: (defensively and angrily responds) Yes! I did! I'm not lying...but don't smell my hands.

To say that I am concerned about the future when she is a teenager is an understatement of magnificent proportions.

How can you not trust this face?

It's Official

Sam is now a walker. He was definitely the slowest to get here but obviously, I was in no rush and frankly, neither was he. He may not even be at this point now if it wasn't for my friend and her silly shenanigans that got Sam to walk several steps one evening about a month ago. It was all downhill after that.

Despite my hesitation for Sam to reach this milestone, I have to say, it was so cute to see his expression on his face when he first started walking. So amazed with and excited for himself. His hands up in the air, his belly sticking out, his leg bowed and his feet flopping--just too cute!

Five-Year Old Spa Party

A couple weekends ago, for Joey's birthday, we did a little spa party for Joey and her friends. Since it was going to be labor intensive for me, we only invited six families. I didn't get a chance to take a lot of pictures but the girls got to make jewelry, do foot soaks with princess wands that hold fizzy bath tablets, and then I curled their hair, did their makeup, and sprayed on glitter hairspray. Then they decorated vegan chocolate cupcakes (three of the attendees had various allergies so I wanted to play it safe--they were delicious, btw and I think I will make these instead of regular cupcakes. I also made the cookies shown above. Raspberry thumbprint cookies and nutella shortbread cookies).

The one request she made regarding decorations was flowers. So I asked my friend who owns Sonny Alexander flower shop in Beverlywood to make some centerpieces for me.



It was a fun party, very low-key and exactly what Joey wanted. And I was more than happy to oblige.

Seeing the World through Her Eyes

The other day we went on a family bike ride. Chang had Sam in the front on the Bobike (picture of Bobike on right, not Sam and Chang, btw), Joey on her princess bike with training wheels, Elysha on the Kettler, and me on my mountain bike, my first extravagent purchase after I started working 13 years ago. We biked around our neighborhood, careful to avoid any major inclines. Sam would start fussing whenever Chang stopped to let us catch up to him, Joey was flying on her bike as she is itching to get her training wheels removed, and I followed behind Elysha. Let's just say the train before the caboose kept getting derailed by the sights and sounds of our neighborhood. I had to keep putting my foot down to keep from falling off my bike, due to lack of momentum. But it was so adorable.

"Ooo, look at that pretty flower."

"Mommy, do you see the thorns on that flower? Ooo...."

"Oooo, I hear a doggy in that house."

"Oooo, a kitty cat sleeping over there."

She was looking every which way but forward so she kept going off the sidewalk. Then she would worry that I wasn't following her so she would stop and look back at me. "Keep going Elysha." "Okay, mommy. Ooo, look, there's ants on the sidewalk."

While I am just watching out to make sure we don't run over dog poop, she is seeing all the wonders that LA has to offer, from two feet off the ground. Somewhere along the way, we grow up, we grow cold, embittered, cynical. We forget to "Oooo" over the little things in life. I am grateful to my kids who remind me to never lose that sense of awe (like Elysha on our bike ride). To feel good about little accomplishments achieved (Sam likes to get a rounding applause everytime he successfully manipulates a toy or stands up and dances). And to dance like there is nobody watching (Joey loves to shake her hips to music).

Our Immigrant-like Day in the Snow

We drove out to Mt Baldy to play in the snow. Originally, I figured the girls can ghetto it up by wearing jeans with leggings underneath, a rain jacket with a sweatshirt and sneakers...you know, just like their mama did during those church winter retreats in which we would actually encounter patches of snow. I didn't own any real snow gear until I started skiing in sixth grade.

Anyhow Chang went to REI earlier in the month and got the kids (including Sam) snow jackets. At first, I scoffed at the idea but REI is having a really good sale! He got Joey a size 8 which is way too big so I went back to exchange the jacket and got suckered into buying the kids (including Sam) snow pants.

We had a blast on the little patches of snow that we found on the side of the road with the other families who didn't want to pay the $8 per person to get into the tubing park. The kids didn't need a lot of snow to actually enjoy it. What made Chang and I snicker is the fact that there were a ton of ethnic people at the make-shift free snow park. It reminded me of my childhood.

I want to rent a winnebago every summer and drive around the US to different landmarks. It may sound cheap but it is still four star compared to the one family vacation I had as a kid. My dad converted an econoline van into a motel with a couple plywood planks, some sleeping bags and a propane portable stove. I have no idea where we bathed those few weeks we were on the road, but we got to see the Grand Canyon, Mt Rushmore, Old Faithful and some ginormous statue of Paul Bunyan in some state. Am I weird that I really want to fight the "Jefferson's" mentality of movin' on up? As I wrote before, the kids need to "slum" it up more...get some ethnic upbringing into their memories to balance out the good life that they are living.

Good Gesture, Funny Reason

As I mentioned before, the girls have suddenly been the apples of my eye. They have been playing so well together, doing their own thing, asking nicely for my help with workbooks, and all in all, just so fun to be around.

This morning, they had to bring an object to school that started with the letter N. So I gave them nail polish which excited them greatly. I gave Joey the sparkly hot pink one and Elysha the light pink, non-sparkly one. Elysha got very upset so I tried to market the non-sparkly one to her.

Me: "This is a special one because Mommy was wearing this when I got married to Daddy. It is very special."
E: "But I want the SPARKLY one!!!"
J: "Here, Elysha. You can take the sparkly one. I will take the other one."
C: "Oh, good job Joey. Do you want to take that one because it is the special wedding nail polish?"
J: "No, because when Elysha starts crying like that, it hurts my ears."

Well, you have to give the girl credit for being honest, right? And besides, when Elysha whines, it is at a really high pitch. She has a teeny, tiny baby voice which gets even higher when she whines or mimics a mommy voice. It becomes inaudible to humans, and unnerving to dogs.

Living the Good Life

Chang and I went out on another date night the other night. We watched Slumdog Millionaire. I had no idea what the movie was about and we were about 15 minutes late going into it, so I was a little lost in the beginning. But it sucks you in immediately. Both Chang and I think it is one of the best movies we have seen in a long time. During and at the end of the movie, I got very choked up. The movie is about two brothers who grew up orphaned in the slums of India, and then were taken in by a gangster who took homeless children under his wing and forced them to beg for him.

There were some disturbing scenes and all the while, I couldn't help but think of my kids. They are truly living the good life. Chang and I have talked about the lack of struggles our kids will experience by not being children of immigrant parents, by not growing up poor, by not being forced to do manual labor to help the family business. It is not that I want my children to suffer, but there is a part of me that worries about them. I mean, come on...they have the perfect parents (natch), they live in a house in LA, they want of nothing...this is why I am so hard on them. Yup, if life circumstances do not cause them to suffer, then I, as their thoughtful mother, see it as my duty to be a tiny bit hard, impatient, snarly. When, in the future after years of therapy, they overcome their embittered childhood memories, they will thank me for not spoiling them with loving-kindness and understanding. Life has to suck, one way or another, in order to grow up grounded, you know?

In other news, Sam is becoming a bear to handle. That willfulness is kicking in like a toddler high on chocolate milk and gummy bears. When he doesn't want to eat something anymore, he squeals and tosses it from the high chair, or spits it out if it is already in his mouth. Like Elysha when she was this age, he throws himself to the ground when he is upset. Man, I thought I got lucky with this child, but that crazy gene that all my kids possess must have just been dormant in him.

Happy 5th Birthday Joey!

Joey is 5 years old today! Hard to believe my baby is already five, but at the same time, I feel like she has been five for a long time already. She is so mature and tall, and the youngest of her friends so by the time her birthday comes around, I am mentally prepared for the next age.

Joey is very eager to start kindergarten. She has read almost twenty books now and really enjoys math. The girl loves her workbooks and is very excited at the prospect of having her own desk (what prompted my whole PB job thing).

Physically she has become so brave and can do all sorts of stunts that I was not prepared to see her do. Monkey bars, handstands...she is also a fast runner just like I was when I was a kid. She still loves to choreograph her own little dances, loves to twirl and do her little yoga poses. We were singing karaoke at my mom's over the weekend and was very upset when none of the mics worked...just like me when I was an adult.

The other day, Elysha was being grumpy and said she couldn't draw well, and Joey encouraged Elysha by saying, "I love the way you draw. You draw very well Elysha." It was so cute because she was using her little mommy voice. These days the girls have been really sweet with each other. They still have their moments but all in all, I have nothing to complain about...which is why I have been silent, and less humorous. I am not laughing at myself anymore (well, laughing on the outside, crying on the inside).

We were watching Father of the Bride movie (the one with Steve Martin) and during the wedding scene when the adults were crying, Joey just started bawling uncontrollably. I think she really can't handle it when other people are upset. Her ability to empathize is amazing for her age. Also, over the holidays, we talked about and prayed for people who are homeless and children who are less fortunate. Nowadays, whenever she prays for dinner, she always prays for the homeless and needy, which is so sweet.

Joey, mommy and daddy love you so very much. We are so proud of you for your big heart, your generous spirit, you are truly so loving towards your family and your friends. I see other kids being drawn to you naturally because your kindness and your joy just emanates from within. I love how you laugh at yourself when you are being silly, how you are able to empathize with others, how your love of learning and natural curiosity makes you so excited at the littlest things. You are so smart and so beautiful and I see God's nature in you. I pray that you will retain this purity and light that you possess as you grow older. That your wonderment of the world would never cease. You will always be my baby and I really feel so blessed that you are in my life. Thank you for being you.

This is from Joey's celebration at school. They walk around the sun holding a globe, representing the passing of a year. So Joey walked around the sun five times as we told stories about her from birth to turning five!

Nut allergy?

It is so sad when I hear my baby coughing like he is hacking up a lung. He has also broken out in a rash. This is the third time it has happened. Unfortunately, I don't know if it is just a viral rash or if he is allergic to nuts.

The first time, my aunt gave him a smoothie with ground almonds in it. When I found out, I asked her to stop but didn't think too much of it since the girls don't have any allergies, nor do Chang or I. But the next day, Sam broke out in an awful rash. He was also on antibiotics at the time to help clear up an ear infection so my sister in law thought it might be due to the antibiotic. We switched his antibiotic and gave him something like zyrtec for his rash. I hoped it was due to the antibiotic because nut allergies are so scary.

The second time, he was sick, but not on antibiotics. We were at my brother's house and saw a container of Cheerios. I didn't realize it was Honey Nut Cheerios until it was too late. As I was closing the plastic jar, it smelled like rice crackers. I asked my sister in law what the container had before the Cheerios. Peanuts. Oh, nuts! The next day, he breaks out in a rash again but not as bad as the first time. I give him a couple doses of Benedryl and it clears up. This time, I am beginning to suspect that he is allergic to nuts so I tell Chang and the girls to be careful since we are a nut loving family.

The third and most recent time, Chang is shelling peanuts and leaving the shells on the coffee table at my mom's with Sam cruising around everywhere. When I realize this, I ask him to stop eating the peanuts. He doesn't think it is a big deal but I am feeling a little freaked out. In Chang's defense, we are just so not used to allergies so I don't think he realizes that something so tiny as a peanut shell could cause an allergic reaction. But Sam is already sick at this time with a fever that I thought was teething because there is a river of drool running out of his mouth constantly. A couple of days later, Sam breaks out in a rash.

I just don't know what to think. Is it nuts? Is it just the way his cold is manifesting in his body? I'm so bad about taking my kids to the doctor but I think I should right? Because it is always a mild rash does it mean that he is only mildly allergic to nuts? Is it even possible to have a mild nut allergy? So scary and frustrating.

New Year 2009

Like everyone else, I am mentally making resolutions for the year. During service at church today, I really feel like I need to make some changes. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, 2008 was a year of rest. Even though it was still frenetic and filled with the unexpected, I tried to take it easy...as easy as one can take it with three kids, three "jobs" and a million other things to juggle. But I didn't make efforts to take Sam to classes, socialize with friends (aside from my much needed monthly PTA meeting aka parents turning to alcohol), or exercise. Even though I think my hips have gone back to normal, my waist has not. I write this complaint next to three pounds of See's chocolates that I confiscated from my mom since she needs to stay away from this stuff. Cancer cells thrive on sugar and fat...but so does cellulite...

Though I still have every intention of eating those three pounds of chocolate, I vow to make an effort to not let it settle on my ever-growing pooch.

I also vow to read the Bible more. I have been avoiding it because I just didn't feel mentally ready to read anything meatier than a Pottery Barn catalog. But I am ready and it felt good to read it today and actually be able to process the words. I can hear squeaking in my brain as the cogs rotate again.

I vow to take my husband out on a date night each month--even if it means we need to pay for a babysitter.

I vow to yell less at the girls. I have been thinking about the next five years and it makes me sad. I know that it is going to be 2012 before I realize it and my little girls won't be so little anymore. I never, ever, ever thought I would feel this way but a little, tiny part of me is sad that they are going back to school tomorrow. We've had fun these past two weeks. I want to make a concerted effort to not zoom through afternoon and evening hours, trying to get them into bed as soon as possible.

I vow to smother Sam with even more kisses, if it is even possible. He is just getting more and more delicious. Trying to walk more these days, being more demanding and control freaky, saying "uh oh," "oooo," and "what's that?" It is very adorable and frightening. He's getting a mind of his own and I'm not sure how much I like that. Seriously, the blob stage is my favorite.

Happy New Year y'all!