Can Obama Fix It?

No, I'm not talking about the economy, the nonexistent job market, or the War in Iraq. I'm talking about Health Care.

I have been dealing with all the bills related to my mom's cancer. It has been overwhelming! I heard on NPR that there is a business on health care advocacy. It just seems wrong that while a person is dealing with a potentially terminal illness, s/he has to deal with all the run around you get from the insurance company, the doctor's office, etc. I think it is ridiculous that doctors charge a premium for cash patients to make up for the shortfall in payments received by insurance companies and the government. I hate that I have to call people multiple times and still not get my questions answered.

It makes me think about all the people who can't speak English well or don't put up a fight. What happens to them? Taking care of these things can take up a good part of my free time (aka Sam's nap time). What do people do when they work jobs like my Pottery Barn job in which you don't have the luxury of making personal phone calls during business hours? These are the people working close to, if not at, minimum wage, uninsured or under-insured...it just makes me think. I wonder if there is something I can do in the future when I, hypothetically, will have more free time. Maybe one day, it won't be this difficult.

To inject some humor into my gripe session...guess what my brother and I bought my mom for Christmas? A boob. Her prosthetic boob wasn't going to be covered by insurance so my mom didn't want it. I talked to my brother and we split the cost. My mom called me today and said thanks again. She sounded so happy to finally be even again. Worth every penny...

Super Mom...and I am not talking about me...

I drove out to my mom's again yesterday to take her to what was supposed to be her final follow up appointment with the surgeon. My mom, having super human capabilities (at least that is what it always seemed to me growing up), is already back at work at her dry cleaners. Before the surgery, she kept asking how quickly she could go back to work. The surgeon cautioned her that overextending herself too closely following the surgery could hinder her nerve regrowth in the breast/shoulder area. At her second follow up appointment, after the two drains were removed, the doctor gave us a few sheets of physical therapy exercises to help my mom regain full mobility in her arm. The sheet cautions to do the stretches to the point of pain. So I showed my mom how to do the exercises and told her to stop when it hurts.

Well, apparently, because my mom didn't stretch herself out enough and work through the pain, it has caused some complications. So now my mom has to go to physical therapy to help stretch out her tendons in her right arm because she has pain all down her right side. I'm so annoyed that we weren't told that my mom needed to stretch out more.

We also went to go get the prosthetic breast and bras with pockets to hold the prosthesis. My mom keeps saying she doesn't care but after she was balanced again, she said it looked so pretty. I just can't imagine what my mom is going through emotionally. She, again, is displaying her super human powers by being positive through the whole experience and believing in God's grace. Every time she had to take off her bandages and expose the incision site, she would frown at me, like she hated that I had to see it. I would shake my head at her and say, "It's okay." Only a mom would worry about the effect on her daughter, and not on herself.

Snarkiness to follow shortly...

According to the final pathology report and the surgical oncologist, my mom is CURED! Yay! Hallelujah! We still need to meet with the medical oncologist to determine what to do about going on anti-estrogen pills despite the fact that my mom suffers greatly when not on her estrogen pills. Her tumor is estrogen receptor positive so continual consumption of estrogen could possibly bring back another tumor. Hard to say. When we meet with the medical oncologist, she will give us a better idea.

I'm trying to get back to life as normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore. Last year I could have been on a punch card system with the ER (a total of six visits to UCLA Santa Monica) and a ride in an ambulance (woo woo!). Plus the buying and selling of primary residences, moving my mother in law here from Wisconsin (and her many visits to the hospital), and being pregnant and having a baby, I was exhausted. I declared 2008 as my year of rest. I don't feel like I have been resting much but I guess when I reflect on this year compared to last year, this year is less crazy. Of course, the world around us seems to tumbling down with the economic crisis and both our moms' surgeries. But when I close the front door to our house, we can pretend that life is "normal" and all is good.

I am always concerned that our children are growing up spoiled. They have everything they need and yet they still want more. Growing up, Chang and I were painfully aware that we didn't have a lot of wealth. Being in LA, we live in a society that hungers for material possessions and separates people between the have and have-nots. I am scared that our kids' strife will originate in their lack of designer clothes and their perspective will be completely skewed. Though I do not want trouble to follow me all the days of my life, there is a part of me that is grateful for all this drama. Hopefully, it will be a continual reminder to our children and even ourselves, to take nothing for granted and be grateful for the important things--our Heavenly Father, our health, and our wholeness.

I plan on going back to my self-deprecating, inappropriate parenting monologues soon. I do not intend to be Ms. Kumbaya henceforth. Snarkiness will resume.

Offline for the week

Just wanted to let you know that I won't be writing this week. It appears my husband's post has been quite popular amongst you ladies. I'll be sure to not let it get to his head. =)

Anyhow, my mom is doing well. I need to go back to her home so I can take her to a follow-up appointment where she will have one of two drains removed. We will also receive the final pathology report and get a referral to a medical oncologist. Though chemotherapy or radiation will most likely not be needed, she might need to go on an anti-estrogen drug since it is showing that her tumor was estrogen receptor positive (i.e. hormone replacement therapy (HRT) may have been the trigger for her tumor).

The difficult thing for my mom is that her menopause symptoms are very severe and affect her moods, her body temperature, even her ability to sleep. This is why, despite all the warnings regarding HRT, she continued with her estrogen pills. So we need to figure something out because obviously, we don't want her cancer to come back. However, without her estrogen, she is miserable and has low quality of life. Cancer sucks but so do hot flashes, insomnia and depression.

I also saw the incision site and her altered body. I wanted to start bawling but remained stoic. When my mom wanted to rest again, I left her room and began to cry. Although breast cancer is beatable, it rages an ugly war against a woman's body. Though she does have the ability to do reconstructive surgery, it is another surgery, and another painful recovery period. I would imagine that surviving cancer becomes an immutable part of one's identity. But with breast cancer, there is no way to forget. Of course, no matter what, my mom is beautiful and looked amazing, even immediately after surgery. All those ghetto home spa facials she did for herself using mayo or egg yolks or God knows what else must have worked.

This month is breast cancer awareness month. I encourage you, both men and women, to learn the facts. I also encourage everyone to go to Army of Women and join in the fight. It is more prevalent than we realize and it can be defeated.

I'll be back next week with a post that will kick my husband's post's ass! Ha ha. I love you honey and thank you so much for always making me feel special and loved.

Good News!

I got in touch with the doctor's office today. Finally. It took two phone calls, more tears and frustration, but we got the date that we wanted. Finally.

It will be on Monday and I will be driving out Sunday so I can get her to the hospital early in the morning. I can't believe this is happening. It just all feels surreal.

Thanks for all your prayers, words of encouragement, and positive thoughts. I really appreciate it.
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You know me and my constant thoughts of writing a book. I also thought about writing a book about my mom's life. I have no problems talking about my thoughts or my questionable parenting methods (so long as there are no social workers reading this). But when it comes to my past, I don't like to talk about it. From the few fragments I have posted, you might have an inkling that there was some stuff that has happened that was difficult. I know that everyone has their family drama, times in their lives that were traumatic. I used to think I had more than my fair share of them and a part of me was bitter for a long time. But I think with kids, peace must reign the heart.

In any case, my mom has already lived a very difficult life--from losing her father at a young age, growing up in the war, being a part of the first set of children in a second marriage, growing up poor, marrying a man that loved her intensely but didn't always make the right choices, living with a mother-in-law and sisters-in-law who treated her like a slave, immigrating to a foreign country and working whatever jobs she could to barely make ends meet...the list goes on and on and I just think that it is amazing that she has survived through that and so much more, with so much optimism, love and generosity. Any poise and equanimity that I possess is most certainly learned behavior from her.

I remember those days when I wanted to be nothing like my mom. What is it about adolescence that makes us only see the negative in everything and everyone? Now, I can only hope to be half as amazing as my mom.

A Few More Tears

So my mom is really hoping to get the surgery this coming Monday. I'm calling the doctor's office everyday but I'm not getting through to the scheduler which has been so frustrating. The doctor seemed really great and sympathetic when we were in her office. But now, I'm wondering what it is going to take to get the date we want.

My usual MO--focused on the task at hand. What needs to get done. I am a project/task- oriented person. I am (or was, pre-kids) great at accomplishing things on schedule--part of the reason I project managed in my former life--I was also great at getting other people to do what they needed to do. Even 8 months pregnant with Sam, I essentially played the role of general contractor to eight different contractors to get our home ready for our move-in date. I hounded, I insisted, and we managed to get everything (foundation, roof, mold, kitchen, electrical, plumbing, chimney, dry wall patching) done in six weeks. Three weeks of crunch time unpacking (I even had a daily schedule for which rooms I was going to unpack/organize), and then pop! Sam came. And believe it or not, I willed myself to go into labor on 11/15 (a funny story I will tell later)--what can I say? That's the date I scheduled for Sam's birth.

But now, I feel a bit helpless and extremely annoyed. My mom calls me with questions. I have my own questions. I need to talk to someone but no one at the doctor's office is returning my calls. Chang and I talk about it one night and as he falls asleep, a few more tears. I believe that my mom is going to survive. She is a survivor. But then I think about the pain she is going to experience, post-surgery. I don't know that I can see my mom in so much pain. I am going to be an emotional wreck but I can't be. If I lose it, then she suffers more. With all the family drama we had in our past, I was stoic in front of my mom. I never wanted her to see me suffer because I didn't want her to feel additionally burdened by my damaged emotions. I've mastered the silent sobbing into my pillow.

But every now and then, I can't control it. Like when my grandmother passed away...exactly one month after Elysha was born. I was so eager to see her after Elysha's birth but everyone told me to stay home. I wanted so much for my grandmother, Young Ae, to see her great-granddaughter, Elysha Young. But it never happened. So during her funeral, I practically tore my clothes and poured ashes on my head.

I'm afraid that I'm going to start wailing when I see my mom, in her weakened condition, unable to move her arms, in bed, with drains to catch the fluid that is leaking out of her body. So in addition to praying that we get the date that we want, quick and painless recovery, beating the C monster 100%, I am also praying that I can keep it together. My mom doesn't need any more pain inflicted upon her.