10 Things I Can Live Without...

1) "I'm DONE!!!" announcements coming from the bathroom, implying that whichever child is sitting on the toilet is expecting me to wipe their butt.
2) Going to the bathroom and seeing that a bowel movement was not flushed. It makes me wonder what else was not done after neglecting to flush...
3) Potty Training. Do I really need to go through this torture yet again to be diaper-free for the first time in over six years?
4) Slaving over a hot stove for dinner and then hearing, "Yucky!" It makes me want to serve liver and brussel sprouts for ten days consecutively (I'll give you yucky...).
5) Everyone else getting sick every time one of the kids getting sick.
6) Me getting sick every time everyone else is sick because I don't get any sick days.
7) People giving me the eye when I say I want a margarita at 9 o'clock in the morning.
8) People giving me the eye when I get a margarita at 10 o'clock in the morning.
9) Having to wake up in the middle of the night because Sam is screaming that he can't find his blankie (usually he's lying on top of it but doesn't realize it).
10) Fighting (Elysha told me today that for Mother's Day, she was going to be nice to Joey and not fight with her. "Just for that one day," she said so proudly...can't wait!).

No Surrey for Sammy

I got the weekend off from my grueling PB job last weekend so we decided to go to Santa Barbara for the day. It was our first time going and the weather was perfect.

We started off with a leisurely lunch outside.

Then we decided to rent a surrey. Poor Sam wanted to drive and pedal all by himself. So he cried for 75% of our time on the surrey. I held him after a while and even then, it took him a good 15 minutes to calm down. My iron man had to pedal for all of us because having Sam in my lap and trying to pedal was like trying to bike uphill on the 10th gear. Of course, Chang didn't think I was pulling my weight anyway and said it didn't really make a difference whether I pedaled or not. So I didn't and enjoyed the ride with the kids.

We went to the zoo afterward and the best part was this tiny astroturf hill. Kids were "sledding" down the hill on cardboard scraps.

We waited about in an hour long line to ride on a 10 minute train ride.

After the zoo, we went back downtown and rode the carousel.

The girls were really sweet to each other for most of the day. We had a great time and was back home in time to put them to bed just a little past their bedtime.

Parent Teacher Conferences for Fall 2009

We went through another round of parent teacher conferences for the girls. It is interesting to hear their teachers' perspectives, especially as the girls get older. I see how their personalities are becoming more defined. And of course, because I like to overanalyze everything, I think about what this means for their future in terms of academics, social development, sibling dynamics, etc. (This post is boring but I want to remember what the teachers said and my reflections of the girls upon hearing the teachers' observations--sorry!)

Joey has been doing really well in kindergarten. It took her a while to get comfortable with the other kids. Her teacher said that for the first few weeks, she wouldn't go outside and interact with the other kids. She would come back into the classroom and ask to help her teacher. I was very eager to help her make friends so I organized a playdate with a girl who Joey mentioned was nice to her. Suddenly, I had other girls' moms asking for playdates with Joey and now Joey has her group of friends. Yay! The teacher also mentioned that Joey is well liked by her classmates and gets along with them.

The teacher gave us a list of skills that kindergarteners need to master by the end of the year. Out of the list of 21 skills, Joey has two that she hasn't mastered. She couldn't read 5 of the 54 "sight words" and she needs to improve in her spelling when writing. The teacher was saying that she was hoping that Joey would take on a leadership role in the class but Joey is hesitant to be in the spotlight. That sounds about right. Even when Joey was two years old, she always hated being the center of attention in a large group setting. Among friends and family, she's comfortable--but bring in just one or two strangers, forget it. That's like me now, but I think as a kid, I was a lot more outgoing.

I'm really happy that we decided to start her off in kindergarten. The kids learn a lot of the culture, work ethics, and teacher expectations in kindergarten. While Joey would probably have fared decently in first grade, we are on a much more gradual learning curve. I've been supplementing her homework since it is so basic which has been forcing me to become more involved in their academic development. Darn--I guess I could only hold off for so long. And I guess that nerd gene is alive and well in me too. One thing I am loving is Joey's piano lessons. I am learning how to read music which I never learned to do in my 20 years of piano lessons.

Elysha is so different from Joey. They are both smart. But Joey has this innate desire to please others. Elysha could not care less. This is her teacher's observation. This is the same preschool teacher that Joey had so she was also marveling at how different the two girls are.

What cracks me up about Elysha is that she doesn't seem engaged while a teacher or parent is speaking (okay, cracks me up when it is someone else, really irritates me when it is me that she is rolling her eyes at). She doesn't appear to listen to you when she is talking but she gets it. She's definitely not a teacher's pet, but thankfully, she isn't a problem student either. She's going to be one of those kids who doodles on her notes in class and listens to music while studying but will perform just as well as the student who takes copious notes. She won't be gunning for extra credit, though, that is for sure.

Elysha doesn't challenge herself and would be happy to draw all day. But when her teacher asks her to do something, she is compliant. Elysha's reading has improved dramatically within the last two weeks. Things finally clicked for her and she is able to read the BOB books with no problem. She's at that stage where she is trying to read everything around her.

Elysha has no problems being the leader and speaking in front of the class. Now that she is one of the older children at her preschool, she has taken on a leadership role--she likes to help the younger kids but also likes to keep up with the kindergarteners. I don't know that she "competes" with Joey so much as she uses Joey as a pacemaker. She wants to keep up--Elysha gets upset when she can't do things as well as Joey--but we just keep reminding her that when Joey was her age, she could not do x,y,z either. Elysha used to get really upset but I think she is understanding better that it is a process.

We talked about Sam entering preschool next summer. He just seems so young compared to the girls at his age. I wonder how much of it is gender/personality vs. me coddling him. I wonder if he will be ready next summer and as excited as I am to finally be able to pee without Sam playing with his cars along the bathtub, I really wonder if I will be ready next summer to let him go. You would think that I would be singing from the rooftops "Freedom!" But a part of me thinks that I will be crying while I am getting a pedicure (because I will be finally taking care of myself after almost seven years of letting myself go to pot).

Happy 4th Birthday Elysha!

Our little Elysha is turning four this weekend! She has been waiting for this day for a very long time. When we went to Legoland in May, she was barred from a ride because she wasn't four years old. She was so devastated and Chang was peeved. He wanted to go to Legoland on her 4th birthday to make it up to her. She keeps saying that now she can ride the horsey ride at Legoland. Who knew that four years old would be such a big milestone?

We threw her a little party this year. Her first girlie party. Silvermist (the water fairy from the new Tinkerbell movie) was invited per Elysha's request. Last year's party was also in our backyard and it was the hottest day of the year. It was sweltering heat. This year it sprinkled on and off all throughout the party--not hard enough to get anyone wet, thank goodness. Plus the weather wasn't too cold so it all worked out.

In this past year, she started preschool, learned to socialize with other kids on a much larger scale and not be so dependent on Joey's company, learned her alphabet and phonics and numbers, learned to read and learned to count and add. Something changed this past year for her mentally too--it's hard to explain. Elysha was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 18 months. She was amazing. But I feel like this past year, she really understands what she is saying, is able to explain herself better, and is no longer just parroting Joey. She is really becoming her own person and I like it. She is really good at sharing her stuff and is genuinely happy for other people. She has a really big heart. We are so proud of her in so many ways and I am excited to see what this next school year is going to be like for her, being one of the older kids. She hasn't really been in this situation so I would like to see her take on a more leadership role. I feel like she is compassionate and very empathetic with others, which probably comes with the territory of being a middle child--a good plus!

When we were at my mom's house a few months ago, my mom was lying down in bed, reading. Elysha came into her room and lie down next to my mom. Then she got up and grabbed some snacks and fed my mom and herself while lying together. How sweet, right?

We love you Elysha! Thank you for being you, my considerate, compassionate, puzzle-loving, playdoh-loving, and karaoke-loving sweetheart.

Sam trying to make his moves on Silvermist.

Sam is 17 months

Sam still seems like such a baby to me. He has been talking more these days, though I keep thinking he is just babbling. Then I realize he just said, "no on" (he LOVES tv and always runs over to it and asks, "on?"). Today at music class he said bubbles. I'm so shocked that he is talking, as if he just came from my womb. But that is how I feel. It literally feels like just yesterday.

But what weirds me out even more is that Joey was only 17 months when I gave birth to Elysha. Whenever I look at Sam now I just wonder what I was thinking? Of course, I wouldn't change a thing. Tonight, when I put the girls to bed, as I left the room, they started to cuddle together and Joey brushed Elysha's hair away from her eyes. It was so sweet. I love that they have each other. It would be nice if I could have another boy for Sam but maybe a dog will have to do.

Birth order

Elysha started school with Joey this past week which has been so great for me. I worked out four times this week (yup, everyday I went to the gym. I have exercised more this week than I did all last year). Even though I am eating ice cream cake while I am writing this, I really have been so good about eating too--I was totally craving McDonalds. While I used to indulge in it at least once a week, I can't remember the last time I ate those perfect fries. Oops, this topic is birth order and I am digressing...

Anyhow, Elysha started school with Joey and now, the two of them spend every waking moment together. In addition to school, they have been doing swim classes and they just started two art classes this week. While they enjoy all these activities, I am sensing that they need their space. Why did I entitle this blog "Birth Order?" Because I am noticing the negative aspects of being first born, second born, etc.

Joey--when Elysha was younger, we made Joey yield to Elysha all the time. We also wanted her to feel a sense of responsibility towards her siblings. But I think I am going about it the wrong way--instead of liability, I think we need to develop a sense of compassion in Joey instead. As I was putting the girls down to sleep tonight, I told Joey how proud I was of her for taking care of Elysha at school. Joey started to cry and said that Elysha always wants to play with her so she hasn't been able to play with her friends. I felt so bad for her because I know that Joey takes her role as the oldest seriously. Another realization I had was to make Joey see the cool things about being the oldest--first to get her ears pierced, first to get to wear heels--these are the things that Joey cannot wait to do.

Elysha--now that she and Joey are always together, she has to hear people praise Joey all the time. Joey is so keen on being able to swim so she is the shining star in her class (it doesn't hurt that she's the oldest too). Also, Joey's fine motor skills developed at an early age so she has been able to hold a pencil correctly and cut with scissors since she was barely three. Elysha still has shown no interest in writing her name (Joey was able to write her name when she was two) or in drawing objects. So she just did her own thing in art class. I am sure that she can sense when people are mock praising her. When she was at JAG for the transition school and gymnastic classes, she was the little star. She had a close relationship with the teacher and was excelling in the class. And now, she is always in Joey's shadow. I want to provide her opportunities to be her own person.

Sam--okay, so he's not suffering too much but I am forcing him into the child care at the Y. He lasted 5 minutes the first day and 2 minutes the second day. Even though he was bawling, I just settled him down and threw him back in because I was determined to run my mile. I would have never have done that with either of the girls. But I just have less sympathy for Sam because my desire to get back into shape is stronger. Besides, I know that he'll live. So he is sucking on their sticky, gross, communal toys, but that's okay, because I am losing my weight. Wow, I sound self-absorbed. But after three kids, there has to be some modicum of selfishness, otherwise, I would go insane.

She's growin' up so fast but it is about time!

I know I am posting a lot today but I am making up for my long silence. I was trying to remember when I could do things by myself...you know...like take a shower by myself, brush my teeth by myself, wipe my butt by myself...you get the picture. I am fairly certain that I could do most things by myself by the time I turned 5. Probably because my parents were too busy working to do a lot of things for me--so it was for survival.


Chang and I are guilty of doing things for the girls that they can do for themselves because it is easier, for example, to put their shoes on for them, than to yell at them for 5 minutes to put their shoes on while they pretend they can't hear us. But we've started to realize that perhaps we aren't making them grow up enough. Hearing the girls yell,"Doooooooooone!" when they are done using the potty so we can wipe their butts for them is getting more than a little irritating. Even if we yell back, "Do it yourself. You can do it." They just yell back, "I don't want to. You do it!" So Chang and I have been making a concerted effort to make the girls more independent.


This evening, Joey almost gave herself a bath from head to toe. She missed some of her hair when shampooing and couldn't get her back when soaping her body, but she did alright. She and Elysha also put away their own laundry as I was folding it the other day. And, Joey even fed Elysha some of her dinner tonight because Elysha is the laziest, slowest eater around--unless it is the good stuff like chocolate chip cookies--then she's very diligent and quite quick! ha ha

Joey holding her hair because we are going to donate it to locks of love.

Elysha holding Joey's hair because she has to do everything her sister is doing--including taking a picture with her sister's hair.

Tea for two, two for tea...

Joey asked me to invite her friends over on Thursday for a tea party. I thought, you know, why not? Well, not this Thursday since we're having a small party for Elysha on Saturday (she's turning three!). So in the meantime, I set up a little tea party for the girls. They put on their Korean dresses (hanbok) and poured each other "tea." I even cut a rose from my garden to make their setup fancier (they LOVE Fancy Nancy).

My baby got an A in weight

Ha ha...the Asian part of me is always so proud when I hear 95%. That's an A!

So Sam had his appointment today and he is 17 lbs 13 oz in his birthday suit. He is 25 1/2 inches in height which makes him 75%. Elysha was only 14 lbs 12 oz and 25" and Joey was about the same in weight and height. So Sam is definitely a big boy!

Joey is on spring break this week. The girls were playing well together for the most part. Elysha insisted on wearing this dress even though it was obviously too big for her. And Joey, I don't know where she learned this photo pose that many FOB Koreans and Miley Cyrus like to do.



Joey wanted me to take pictures of her doing plie (ballet moves). She's got the pretty ballerina arms pose and Elysha is imitating her the best she can. But she soon got bored of dancing and went back to her favorite pasttime--puzzles.

Sibling love

I think the kids are going to have very unique relationships with one another. Elysha is starting to show jealousy with Sam. Joey was so young when Elysha was born that she just didn't know any better. But even if she was older, I think she would have behaved the same way. Elysha loves Sam so much but I think she is starting to be less understanding when I can't hold her because I am holding Sam. She's acting out a lot these days and I forget that it can be related to Sam because Joey didn't exhibit any odd behavior after Elysha was home. In any case, I think Elysha and Sam are going to be really close because they are home together now. Joey is going to take care of Sam because she is such a nurturer. And Joey and Elysha are going to love each other and fight a lot with each other since they are so close in age.

Like night and day

Joey and Elysha are so different in so many ways. Joey is observant, has my elephant memory, whiny, slow to warm up, a girlie girl to the extreme. Elysha has the memory of a goldfish, doesn't seem to pay attention at all, friendly, demanding and adores animals.

Elysha likes the chocolate but not the marshmellow, and Joey just likes to eat everything!

We had an easter egg hunt with old friends last Thursday. Lots of fun.

Elysha started school!

On Monday, my second baby started school. She is only attending twice a week at a school different from Joey's. On those days, I spend about two hours in the car with all the pick up and drop offs and I get about 2.5 hours of being with just Sam. On Monday, I tried to do a Mommy and Me yoga DVD but he got fussy a quarter into it. So after nursing him, he passed out and I had to wake him up 1.5 hours later to go get Elysha. It was amazing, being home and not having someone shadow me constantly. I was so productive. I finished my DVD (first time working out since Elysha was born--it's not a typo--I haven't worked out since Elysha was born--once a week pilates for about two months and then I got rock-hard abs back. ha ha, more like I lost enough weight to get back into my clothes and gave up on the muffin top), made a few work phone calls and worked on Elysha's baby book.

The teacher who teaches Elysha also taught Joey briefly and she can't get over how different they are in personality. Joey is slow to warm up and gets shy easily. Elysha jumps right in and doesn't look back. The first day I dropped Elysha off, she went right in with no problems and barely looked at me as I walked away. Joey cried many mornings and I had to do the stoic mom act. Drop her off and walk away without emotion. There are times these days, that she still holds my hand and doesn't want me to go.

Elysha is such a strong girl. She knows what she wants and she doesn't yield. Chang and I are having a hard time with her but there is a part of me that is okay with it. This girl will not be pushed around because she will just push back. She often gets Joey in trouble and is unapologetic. She is either going to be a future psychopath or a future president. I'm grateful that she is this way as the middle child. She won't get lost in the shuffle and will make damn sure that her voice is heard.

Joey is potty-training Elysha

Late in the afternoon, Elysha wanted to wear underwear. So I made sure she understood that she had to pee or poop in the potty. I told her if she felt pee pee coming out, that she needed to tell me or grandma (my aunt) that she had to potty. Then Joey said that she could help! So before their bath, Elysha was sitting on the potty and Joey was "reading" the potty books to Elysha. Then Joey started to say, "shhhh" which is what Koreans say to help kids with their potty training--you know, like the sound of water. And then Joey started making grunting noises and said, "Elysha, do this. Grrrr. Grrrr." It was so cute.

I don't know if I'm being too hard on Joey but I really expect her to not lead Elysha down the road of trouble, or to stop Elysha if Elysha decides to take that path on her own. Today, they decided to "clean" their bathroom and their room by taking liquid soap and smearing it everywhere. I was so upset to find soap all over their furniture in their room and in the bathroom. I was much harder on Joey, telling her that she should know better. Joey looked really solemn when I disciplined her and Elysha looked upset at me that I even deigned to tell her what to do. I alternately feel bad for Joey having to be responsible for her younger siblings but at the same time, I feel that she should be. There are times that I feel the gravity of my responsibilities as the parent of three children. I can really screw things up and through bad parenting, create little monsters who will grow up and totally break my heart. This is where I see God's grace being SO important in my life. Truly, but for the grace of God...please don't let my inadequacies as a mother cause my children to become debauched individuals.

On a lighter note...my son is a genius! =) Today, he was opening and closing his fist like he was saying bye bye. So I started to do it back to him. Then when I made the motion, he would raise his hand and do "bye bye" again. I'm sure it is just coincidence but still, I would rub his belly and say "good job!" and he would smile really big and laugh. I could just eat him up!