My Swan Song...

As you can tell, I haven't been posting too furiously these days. I think I might be hanging up my blogging cap for a while. It's been fun and I have enjoyed writing again. But I feel like I can barely keep up with everything else.

I toyed with not letting Sam take naps for the last few weeks because he has been staying up after we put him to bed--usually singing in his crib (today he was singing Beyonce's "Single Ladies"). Sometimes he wouldn't sleep for hours.

But the nap moratorium was painful for two reasons. One, my days were 12-13 hour days with no breaks. Two, Sam was excruciatingly grumpy because he didn't nap. Last week, however, Sam finally decided to jump out of his crib, come out of his room, and start unloading the dishwasher in the mornings--which would be fine except he often takes things out of the dishwasher and put his mouth all over it. So we moved him into his toddler bed, decked out with new Disney Car's sheets. Now that Sam knows he can exit his room whenever he wants, he has been waking up at the crack of dawn. Thanks to my brainwashing, he only wants Chang in the morning. So even though Chang has more reason to complain, I am still exhausted by the fact that Sam wakes Chang up earlier than before (cue the rolling of eyes from Chang).

These days, Sam has been a terror (yes, my sweet angel baby is the thorn in my flesh at the moment). I'm sure it is a combination of terrible two's and getting significantly less sleep than before, but I am ready to ship him off to a boarding preschool.

In August, Sam will start preschool, so long as I tackle potty training. But honestly, I am sending him in August, no matter what. I'm sure the teachers will hate me because he will have several accidents daily and he is supposed to be fully potty trained. But I am ready for freedom. I have a long laundry list of things that I want to do--finally get fit and fabulous, clean every nook and corner of my house, and meet friends in the middle of the day for cocktails. That is it--no more lofty goals of going to school or writing a book. I just want to enjoy my freedom. I am envisioning myself breaking into a song as I go along the day. Birds will come and sit on my shoulder, people around me will suddenly dance with me in a choreographed ditty. I want to get dressed every day looking like Carrie Bradshaw--no more mommy uniform for me. I am going to wear heels and carry a gorgeous purse because I finally won't have to worry about carrying diapers or a sippy cup in it. La la la laboutin! I can't wait!

So I might post pictures of my kids on occasion but this could be my swan song. The end of the school year is almost here which means I will have all three kids home with me a lot this summer. Then Elysha will be starting kindergarten, Joey will be in first grade and Sam will be going to school on the other side of town. This means, three different schedules at two different locations. It is going to be crazy and though I will finally be childless for the first time in over six years, it will really only be a couple hours every day and that includes the 90 + minutes I will be driving back and forth between the two schools. Freedom finally, yes, but just a little bit.

It's been fun and I appreciate you coming along in my journey of honest parenting. It sucks sometimes...but I still love them...especially when they are sleeping...

In Case You are Curious

Sorry for all the weight loss stuff but if you are curious, I am happy to share what I did. I went hardcore with the intention of doing it for two weeks only. I knew I couldn't sustain it but at the same time, I wanted results fast.

I think five pounds was just from eating until I busted my pants for four days straight recently. So the first week, 5-7 lbs came off easily with the daily runs (about 3 miles on a very hilly terrain while pushing Sam in the jogging stroller). Two of those days, I also worked out on the circuit training machines (about 30 reps on about 6-7 machines) plus another 50 crunches on the floor mat. The second week I ran four days, the same 3 mile trek but didn't have time to go to the Y so no circuit training.

Diet wise, you have to keep in mind that I am a full-fat loving person. So I am sure my body went into shock. I used to have some form of dessert every night after dinner, which is why I had to at least treat myself to the fun size plain M&Ms every night.

Mornings: decaf coffee with soy creamer and then went for my run (I cramp easily so my stomach can't be too full when I exercise). Then some fruit after I was done.
Lunch: Two eggs made into egg salad with no bread and fruit, or a can of soup with two Trader Joe's veggie samosas and fruit, or an omelette with ham and cheese and fruit.
Snacks: I only ate if I really felt hungry at which point I would eat candied walnuts and/or fruit.
Dinner--asian chicken salad or taco salad with tri tip. If I made pasta or korean food (a meal in which I knew I could consume carbs), I really limited my carb intake. I would say that my carb intake used to be 50% of my meal, but I limited it to 25% or less.
Dessert: fun size plain M&Ms and Arbonne detox tea

I stuck to this on the weekdays, and weekends I let myself eat more junk and carbs, but was still more conscientious.

Sorry if this is TMI but I thought I would share. I had to make drastic changes but I also gave myself a time limit so that I wouldn't give up after a few days. Knowing that I was only going to do it for two weeks made it easier for me to do those daily runs and eat those salads. Now I haven't been running and am eating a normal amount (yes, dessert has come back) but my clothes are fitting better. I am getting older and something about having a third child made getting back to my old self much harder. So I came to this realization that I would have to work at it, and I finally made the decision to "just do it." I'm glad that I did!

I would have so won...

biggest loser! I went jogging Monday through Friday one week and then Monday through Thursday the following week. I also REALLY limited my normal intake. If I craved McDonald's, I went for the grilled chicken snack wrap, as opposed to the crispy chicken that I usually get. I made a lot of salads for dinner and only had pasta twice a week. I tried to replace my usual carb fest with protein, and my potato chips with nuts. Instead of snacking on chocolate, I would eat fruit, but I would eat one fun size bag of M&M's every night so I didn't totally deprive myself (I could never completely give up chocolate).

Well, it worked...I think I lost 12 lbs! The original scale that started it all is on its way back to Australia so I am basing this weight loss calculation on a scale at the YMCA. I am almost back down to my pre-Sam weight which is my goal.

One thing I realized during these last two weeks is I make really bad food choices. I always think, oh, it's just one little cheeseburger, fries and chocolate shake...how bad can it be? But it adds up...hopefully, I'll never go back. And as the summer approaches, I'll probably be outside a lot more gardening which means fresh fruits and veggies from my garden.

And the best thing out of all this? Getting hit on at the gym...he he...that's right baby, still got it!

Biggest Loser

I am finally doing it. All that talk or blogging of me wanting to get back into shape were just empty words...until now.

I have gone running with Sam in the jogging stroller every weekday last week and I am on track to do it again this week. I have been eating MUCH healthier (bye bye to my nightly fix of Ben and Jerry's) and eating more normal portions (you know it's bad when you eat "all-you-can-eat" four days in a row and think it is perfectly fine). I guess all that McDonald's was going to catch up with me sooner or later.

I am determined to lose these last 10 lbs. I have never had a tight stomach or ripped arms so I have no expectation to "regain" something that I NEVER had before. I also don't expect to get back to my wedding weight or even my pre-Joey weight. I just want to be a healthy and not have to tuck my stomachs into my jeans before I sit down.

New Year 2009

Like everyone else, I am mentally making resolutions for the year. During service at church today, I really feel like I need to make some changes. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, 2008 was a year of rest. Even though it was still frenetic and filled with the unexpected, I tried to take it easy...as easy as one can take it with three kids, three "jobs" and a million other things to juggle. But I didn't make efforts to take Sam to classes, socialize with friends (aside from my much needed monthly PTA meeting aka parents turning to alcohol), or exercise. Even though I think my hips have gone back to normal, my waist has not. I write this complaint next to three pounds of See's chocolates that I confiscated from my mom since she needs to stay away from this stuff. Cancer cells thrive on sugar and fat...but so does cellulite...

Though I still have every intention of eating those three pounds of chocolate, I vow to make an effort to not let it settle on my ever-growing pooch.

I also vow to read the Bible more. I have been avoiding it because I just didn't feel mentally ready to read anything meatier than a Pottery Barn catalog. But I am ready and it felt good to read it today and actually be able to process the words. I can hear squeaking in my brain as the cogs rotate again.

I vow to take my husband out on a date night each month--even if it means we need to pay for a babysitter.

I vow to yell less at the girls. I have been thinking about the next five years and it makes me sad. I know that it is going to be 2012 before I realize it and my little girls won't be so little anymore. I never, ever, ever thought I would feel this way but a little, tiny part of me is sad that they are going back to school tomorrow. We've had fun these past two weeks. I want to make a concerted effort to not zoom through afternoon and evening hours, trying to get them into bed as soon as possible.

I vow to smother Sam with even more kisses, if it is even possible. He is just getting more and more delicious. Trying to walk more these days, being more demanding and control freaky, saying "uh oh," "oooo," and "what's that?" It is very adorable and frightening. He's getting a mind of his own and I'm not sure how much I like that. Seriously, the blob stage is my favorite.

Happy New Year y'all!

What the !*@! happened to my belly button?

Fellow moms, have you looked at your belly button recently? I just noticed how strange mine looks. Can it swallow your pinkie finger whole? Does it share the same circumference measurements as a quarter? Are there exercises I can do that target my belly button or do I actually need to work out the whole area? Will it ever look normal again? I have never noticed how unusual my belly button looks post partum until now.

Has anyone seen this blogsite called The Shape of a Mother? I really applaud its mission. I HATE all those ridiculous pictures of those celebrity moms who look so freakishly stunning 2 days after giving birth. I am SO grateful that these days they acknowledge the fact that they are working their asses off to get that shape back and it is not just "good genes" or through breastfeeding as some have said in the past.

I got the Hip Hop Abs workout DVDs and they are a lot of fun. My jeans did feel a little looser today but I got a LOOOONG way to go still. I just want my belly button to look normal again...

Not What I Signed Up For

On Sunday morning, the girls and I participated in a cancer walk in honor of a friend's mom who passed away last year from lung cancer. In addition to the 5k, there was also a 1.5mi walk which, you would think, is doable for kids.


All I can say is thank God I have been running these days! I envisioned that the girls would walk half of the way and then I would have to push them the rest. Instead, I pushed them about 90% of the way. Not only that, because we were late, we parked in the overflow lot (was dealing with yet another tantrum from a certain child this morning). So I had to run uphill while pushing 90 lbs of kids and stroller to the registration tables. Then I ran to catch up to some friends. But Joey wanted to find her BFF who was towards the front of the walkers so then I had to run to catch up to her friend. All while pushing the girls. Yup, not what I signed up for...


Fortunately, we went to Souplantation afterwards to hang out and I got to replenish my body with some biscuits and gravy, breakfast scrambles, french toast and ice cream. All this after having already eaten a McDonald's breakfast. Food...I will always sign up for food...

Not sure what my kids did to deserve that medal...

My Olympic Qualification

As I have often boasted on my blogs, I have been consistently exercising for the last four weeks. This is big for me. Huge. I'm talking, big like my bicep muscles. Yup, that big...well, maybe a little bigger.

However, I was hoping to have more weight loss to show for it but perhaps the exorbitant intake of food prevented me for posting "Biggest Loser" numbers. I'm not sure...is eating ice cream and Ghiradelli chocolate caramel squares every night not good?

Anyhow, though I was feeling a little dismayed after weighing myself last Monday, I thought to myself that it is okay. After all, when I put on my jeans, my muffin top is only hanging over 4 inches instead of 8 inches. I am no longer a Glamour magazine "don't".

btw: not my arse...

What does this have to do with the Olympics? Well (cue dramatic music), I was looking through my closet and found a pair of pants that I forgot I owned. I looked at the size on the pants and thought, has hell frozen over? Have pigs grown wings? In other words, there was slim chance (no pun intended) that I would be able to get these pants past my birthing hips. But then I saw that magic word "stretch"--oh, what a wonderful, benevolent word. It is like my pants have exonerated me for my over-indulgent sweet tooth. "Yes, I saw you when you snuck in that extra cookie, but you have been forgiven. Go forth, my child, and snack no more."

I pulled on the pants, sucked in my gut, and buttoned. They fit! Hallelujah! I did what any mature mother of three would do. I called my fellow mommy girlfriend. "Guess what?!?! Like, OMG! I am wearing a size # pants! Well...my stomach might be hanging out on top, and they are stretched out to the max..." Suddenly, I wasn't so sure if I had truly accomplished an amazing feat.

My dear mommy friend replied, "It doesn't matter. It's like qualifying for the Olympics. It doesn't matter if you just eeked in by a nanosecond. You're in!" Yes! As only another mom can understand. Thank you God for the miracle of synthetic fabrics that allowed me to squeeze into a smaller size. Amen.

Birth order

Elysha started school with Joey this past week which has been so great for me. I worked out four times this week (yup, everyday I went to the gym. I have exercised more this week than I did all last year). Even though I am eating ice cream cake while I am writing this, I really have been so good about eating too--I was totally craving McDonalds. While I used to indulge in it at least once a week, I can't remember the last time I ate those perfect fries. Oops, this topic is birth order and I am digressing...

Anyhow, Elysha started school with Joey and now, the two of them spend every waking moment together. In addition to school, they have been doing swim classes and they just started two art classes this week. While they enjoy all these activities, I am sensing that they need their space. Why did I entitle this blog "Birth Order?" Because I am noticing the negative aspects of being first born, second born, etc.

Joey--when Elysha was younger, we made Joey yield to Elysha all the time. We also wanted her to feel a sense of responsibility towards her siblings. But I think I am going about it the wrong way--instead of liability, I think we need to develop a sense of compassion in Joey instead. As I was putting the girls down to sleep tonight, I told Joey how proud I was of her for taking care of Elysha at school. Joey started to cry and said that Elysha always wants to play with her so she hasn't been able to play with her friends. I felt so bad for her because I know that Joey takes her role as the oldest seriously. Another realization I had was to make Joey see the cool things about being the oldest--first to get her ears pierced, first to get to wear heels--these are the things that Joey cannot wait to do.

Elysha--now that she and Joey are always together, she has to hear people praise Joey all the time. Joey is so keen on being able to swim so she is the shining star in her class (it doesn't hurt that she's the oldest too). Also, Joey's fine motor skills developed at an early age so she has been able to hold a pencil correctly and cut with scissors since she was barely three. Elysha still has shown no interest in writing her name (Joey was able to write her name when she was two) or in drawing objects. So she just did her own thing in art class. I am sure that she can sense when people are mock praising her. When she was at JAG for the transition school and gymnastic classes, she was the little star. She had a close relationship with the teacher and was excelling in the class. And now, she is always in Joey's shadow. I want to provide her opportunities to be her own person.

Sam--okay, so he's not suffering too much but I am forcing him into the child care at the Y. He lasted 5 minutes the first day and 2 minutes the second day. Even though he was bawling, I just settled him down and threw him back in because I was determined to run my mile. I would have never have done that with either of the girls. But I just have less sympathy for Sam because my desire to get back into shape is stronger. Besides, I know that he'll live. So he is sucking on their sticky, gross, communal toys, but that's okay, because I am losing my weight. Wow, I sound self-absorbed. But after three kids, there has to be some modicum of selfishness, otherwise, I would go insane.

End of school year stuff

Another school year has come to an end so I just wanted to post some pics of the girls:

Joey with most of her school mates.

Here is Elysha with her favorite person in the whole world--teacher Heidi. She has been with Elysha when Elysha started going to transition classes and was her teacher for gym for the last year or so. We even had teacher Heidi come to Elysha's party because Elysha loves her so much. I feel bad that Elysha has to say good-bye to JAG but at the same time I cannot wait for her to go to school with Joey.

One pick up, one drop off, and 6 glorious hours of time with just Sam. I plan on going to the Y and exercising and losing these last 15 pounds, and finally getting to more serious projects with my front yard and my garden in the back. I also bought a crock pot so I can cook during the day and not have my kids sit in front of the TV for an hour everyday while I am cooking dinner and feeding Sam.

Ramblings, rants about being a mom...

I made dinner tonight with zucchini that I grew in my garden. It was almost ridiculous how happy it made me to be able to put my own organically grown veggie into my meal. As I stirred my Trader Joe's organic pasta sauce, with my free range chicken and homegrown zucchini, I thought, I am a housewife. And I should have fun with it. Be the best damn housewife out there! I've been doing pretty well with making healthy, minimally processed meals meals. Okay, I confess that my aunt has been cooking for me for three days a week and we used to eat out every weekend. But now I only have my aunt for a day and I have been cooking our meals on the weekends too. So cooking, gardening...I would like to try and make a dress for Joey and Elysha. I think it would be fun and a good memory for us. So we'll see how that turns out...to be continued...

I have also been working out because I am about 15 lbs heavier than normal. Not to brag but with Joey, I was back in a size 0 by 4 months. With Elysha, I was back to a size 0 by 8 months. Granted, things shifted, shrunk, and jiggled, but it happened, with little to no effort. But this time...dude...I don't know if it's cuz I am over 30 or if it is child number 3, but this is so haaaard!!!! I have reduced my food intake (which for those who know me, is like shooting myself in the foot. Scratch that, it is like giving birth without drugs--yup, that difficult and painful). I have succumbed to exercising which is even harder than reducing my food intake. Exercising is so painful that for a month, I couldn't bring myself to do it more than once a week. But after a month of less food and a little exercise, I honestly thought I would just get back into my old clothes. So I was shocked when I jumped on the scale for the first time and saw that I was about the same weight as when I was 38 weeks pregnant!

My one consolation with each workout is an ice cream sandwich. It used to be Diddy Reese each time, but clearly, I need to downgrade to skinny cows. I already have a list of foods that I am going to celebrate with when I put on my pair of skinny jeans when Sam turns one. Yup, I am going to look even better than before because this time, I am going to be toned, muscular, and fabulous!



Picture of us when Elysha was 8 months...and our surrogate son for the day Ryan Kang. Sigh...if only I could squeeze into those jeans today...

Elysha started school!

On Monday, my second baby started school. She is only attending twice a week at a school different from Joey's. On those days, I spend about two hours in the car with all the pick up and drop offs and I get about 2.5 hours of being with just Sam. On Monday, I tried to do a Mommy and Me yoga DVD but he got fussy a quarter into it. So after nursing him, he passed out and I had to wake him up 1.5 hours later to go get Elysha. It was amazing, being home and not having someone shadow me constantly. I was so productive. I finished my DVD (first time working out since Elysha was born--it's not a typo--I haven't worked out since Elysha was born--once a week pilates for about two months and then I got rock-hard abs back. ha ha, more like I lost enough weight to get back into my clothes and gave up on the muffin top), made a few work phone calls and worked on Elysha's baby book.

The teacher who teaches Elysha also taught Joey briefly and she can't get over how different they are in personality. Joey is slow to warm up and gets shy easily. Elysha jumps right in and doesn't look back. The first day I dropped Elysha off, she went right in with no problems and barely looked at me as I walked away. Joey cried many mornings and I had to do the stoic mom act. Drop her off and walk away without emotion. There are times these days, that she still holds my hand and doesn't want me to go.

Elysha is such a strong girl. She knows what she wants and she doesn't yield. Chang and I are having a hard time with her but there is a part of me that is okay with it. This girl will not be pushed around because she will just push back. She often gets Joey in trouble and is unapologetic. She is either going to be a future psychopath or a future president. I'm grateful that she is this way as the middle child. She won't get lost in the shuffle and will make damn sure that her voice is heard.

The Slight Edge

Believe it or not, I have been having problems falling asleep at night (too tired maybe?). Anyhow, I started reading this book called "The Slight Edge" and it is a great book. It talks about the little things we do everyday that can help us to lead a successful life (however we define success). The author (Jeff Olson--founder of 4 multi-million dollar organizations) believes that success does not happen overnight. It is the little decisions we make, compounded over time, that allow us to be successful. As the "microwave" generation of instant gratification, we give up to easily because we do not see the fruits of our labor.

This book has really inspired me to reflect upon my daily life and think of the little changes I could make that can help me to be more successful (as I define it):

Spend a few moments praying on my own
Read the Bible (even if it's just a short passage)
Read 10 pages of a personal development book
Snuggle/chat with all my loved ones for a few minutes
Exercise
Cut out the junk food

I always feel like I have devote tons of time to each of these things which is why I always choose not to do it. But now I realize that something is better than nothing and a little bit overtime, it adds up and will make an impact in my life. I may not see the results immediately but I must have the faith that it will make a difference and I'll be a better person for it.

More info on "The Slight Edge."
http://www.topachievement.com/slightedge.html