Making New Friends

Also posted on Savvy Source...I thought it was a fun article to write so I thought I would share...

When my older daughter was four-months old, we moved from the Bay Area to Los Angeles. Back in the Bay Area, I had so many friends who had children so I would have been very comfortable with a support group already established. Moving to a new city with a new baby and no friends was terrifying. We first moved into an apartment near Roxbury Park so I walked there almost daily in the hopes of meeting new people. That's when I realized how much I sucked at being outgoing, friendly, vivacious. There was a reason I was in yearbook and not in cheerleading in high school. So I would sit on the park bench with my daughter whose physical activity was limited to drooling and wondered why it was hard to make friends for my daughter and me. Five years later and two more kids later, I am going through a similar process with my one year old son. But this time around, it is so much easier. Here is what I have learned along the way to making friends for my children and me:

No mom (or dad) is an island. Whether you are a working parent or a full-time parent, you need to find a support group beyond your family. Fellow moms and dads are great at empathizing, being a sounding board, or giving advice for situations that only we could understand. Also, being a first-time parent is scary. It is very helpful to hang out with other parents so you realize that you're not the only one who feels like you're drowning in diapers, onesies and the occasional self-pity.

Can't we all just get along? I love being in LA for many reasons. One of them is the diversity of people you'll meet. And as many different parenting philosophies there are out there, you will meet the parents who follow them, from Dr. Sears to Dr. Dobson to everything in between. For the most part, everyone is accepting of each other and we learn from each other. From family beds to breastfeeding toddlers to disciplining, I feel like I seen it all and it is great because my kids have seen it all too. What we have learned is that we're all different but we're all okay. It has lead to some interesting questions from a two year old like, "Why does John have two moms?" but like a beauty pageant contestant, I manage to answer the questions with grace and poise, and wrap it all up with world peace.

The Dating Game. When I first moved down and was trying to meet people, it was like I was out in the dating scene again. I was going to mommy and me classes and moms group, scoping out the landscape. After talking to a mom a few times, the class time ends with the mental game: should I get her number or ask if she wants to hang out after class? I remember the first time I got asked out to playdate, I called my husband so excited. "She asked me for my number and wants to go out together on Thursday!" These days I am less desperate to meet people, but I am also more outgoing. I don't hesitate to get a phone number and schedule a playdate. I figured there is nothing to lose and who knows? I might end up meeting a new lifelong friend for me and my children.

Here, There, Everywhere. Wondering where to start meeting other parents? They're everywhere! Classes, parks, and recreation centers. I have met my friends through mommy and me classes, my daughters' preschool, church, this blogsite, and trying on maternity clothes at Old Navy. It's amazing how much people are seeking community and how many cool parents you can meet. I keep thinking of the profound song that is sung during an Elmo's World episode on friends. I'll leave you with the words (doing this from memory since I've seen it oh, 547 times, but if some of the words of off, please forgive me):

Stretch out your hand and say hello
You might meet someone just like you who's really good to know
It's really fun to see how friendships grow
when you stretch out your hand and say
ain't life just grand and say hello!

It was Inevitable...

Sam likes to say "cheeeese" when smiling for the camera. And afterwards, he will ask "See?" to see the photo.





















My three girls...

Another Post about My Genius Child...

Ever since the conference, I've been analyzing Joey like some sort of specimen. She really amazes me at how smart she is. The other day she read this really difficult book. There were some complex words in there but she would sound it out and then remember what the word was in the context of the story. She also seems to grasp multiplication. I forgot what we were talking about but I said that 2 + 2 +2 is 6. And then Joey said, like 3 + 3 =6 or 6 x 1 = 6. I couldn't believe she just did all of that in her head.

However, I have also been watching her in regards to her social and emotional maturity. I have noticed that she has grown both socially and emotionally. But like Mommy Lim commented, I don't want her to be socially awkward. A friend who was a kindergarten teacher says that she doesn't like the whole concept of skipping grades. She could always tell who were the younger students in her classes.

I asked Joey what she wanted to do and tried to lay out the pros and cons of skipping a grade. She said she wanted to skip. But the more and more I think about it and get feedback from other people, I may just have her stay in kindergarten. I think we'll start the whole process but I think I would rather her be a really well prepared rock star student in kindergarten than a potentially socially and emotionally less mature 1st grader.

Parent/Teacher Conference

Chang and I met with the girls' preschool teacher the other day, and she confirmed what I have known all along--my girls are freakin' geniuses.

Joey is reading really well and comprehending what she is reading. She has mastered addition, subtraction, multiplication, and is currently working on division. And if I drop a box of toothpicks on the floor, she can count them in six seconds.

Elysha is reading (at age three) and, according to her teacher, is academically, socially and emotionally advanced for her age. The teacher told us that Elysha is very motivated to excel because she wants to catch up to Joey. The teacher also thinks she will be the new leader of the Pink Ladies once the older girls graduate.

Because Joey is advanced academically, really tall for her age, and her birthday is not too far from the cutoff date for kindergarten, I am considering getting her tested for skipping kindergarten. I keep going back and forth because I am really worried that she will be bored in kindergarten and then become a slacker like her mama. But at the same time, it might boost her confidence being at the head of the class. And these days, everyone holds their kids back so I'm sure there will be kids similar to her at our local elementary school. The preschool teacher told us that she would write a note recommending that Joey skip kindergarten. But if we decided to not pursue it, then at the very least, she really wants us to make sure her kindergarten teacher knows that Joey is advanced so that her academic needs are met.

I'm not writing these things to brag. I am just really uncertain what to do. The thought that makes the most sense to me is leaving it up to Joey. The only person I know who skipped kindergarten, ended up going to Harvard and was a National Merit Scholar in high school. Her little sister, who was always trying to catch up, went to Harvard as well. Hmmm...what to do? what to do?

Preschool Photos

Everyone says that they look like twins and I always get annoyed because they look so different to me. But I see it in these photos. Equally beautiful...

On the Black List

Okay, so maybe I am not the most conscientious mother of three. I let Sam make a mess of things if it means I can talk to a friend for five seconds. But I cross-my-heart swear that I clean up after him. Often times, I hold him in my left arm so he is hanging like superman, and his arms are swinging, his body is bucking, and his legs are kicking, and with my right hand, I put things back in their place and then make a run for it, before I drop him like the 28 pound sack of potatoes that he is.

Sam was going crazy at the pediatrician's office on Wednesday, tearing through the waiting room like a tornado. Every time I stopped him from messing stuff up, he just lost it, screaming and howling, throwing his body around. I went up to the reception desk and asked about their return policy. I did not receive full disclosure prior to receipt of the package. How does one little Y chromosome make such a big difference?

So I don't have Stepford children and I am certainly no Stepford mother. Whatever...despite receiving a couple CNNBC reports that I have won mother of the year (thank you, it really is an honor), I don't care. But apparently, my laissez-faire mothering method really irks the girls' preschool teacher. If she could, she would be giving me time outs, or sending me home with notes of my unacceptable behavior. Whenever I pick up the girls from school, I bring Sam into the classroom with me. I have the girls go to the bathroom and wash their hands before we get into the car. I do my best to hold Sam down. But I have to sign the girls out and I can't do that one handed. So Sam the Destroyer does his best to do as much damage as possible. And sometimes, I have to pee, or help the girls gather their work, or talk to a friend about the fact that she is broke, or dealing with a boyfriend's crazy ex-wife...important stuff, not just chit-chat. But every time I let Sam off his leash, the teacher gets upset with me. I put things back into their place, but she comes out of her office and turns a puzzle 37 degrees right and whines, "I feel like I am repeating myself everyday. Just get in and get out."

I'm almost afraid that she won't let Sam into the school because a) she sees how crazy he is; and b) she will have to deal with me for another two years. As much as I am annoyed, I have to say that I am impressed with how much the girls are learning and I have nothing to do with it.

Earthquake (both physical and emotional)

Yup, we felt the earthquake. I was putting the girls to bed (i.e. falling asleep in between them on the full size bottom bunk while they goof around beside me) when I was rattled awake by the shake.

I am a little freaked out that a major earthquake will hit while the girls are sleeping and they will be crushed by the top bunk. So after the first quake, I made the girls sleep on the floor of their room tonight. I'm sure they will be back in the bottom bunk by tomorrow night, but for tonight, I am letting my fears get the better of me.

Talking about freaking out, Joey is starting to learn to ride her bike without training wheels. She is very anxious to learn. She came home the other day, proudly exclaiming that she can ride her bike without the training wheels. Chang basically runs beside her with his hand on the handle bar. Whenever she feels steady, he lets go for anywhere from 5 seconds to 10 seconds. We went to the park again today and I was so eager to see Joey ride. But the moment I saw Chang take his hand off the bike, my heart stopped beating. I don't think I can witness this. It is too scary for me. I want to bundle her in bubble wrap or have her ride on a trail lined with cotton candy...not unreasonable, right?

Sam is 18 months!

So hard to believe he is one and a half. He is 75% in weight and height. And just becoming more and more of a handful. Still determined to be the youngest rock star ever. I guess he is working on the complete package with the rock star/troubled youth thing.

He is determined to do EVERYTHING on his own and I am inclined to let him. As far as I am concerned, the more independent, the better. If I can't hold him all day long, then I would rather he be able to take care of himself. He feeds himself for the most part (I just need to teach him how to use the microwave). The other day, he zippered up his pj's by himself.



We started the cloth diapers but the soggy, wet diaper doesn't seem to bother him at all. I have been sitting him on the potty every now and then, but nothing. He was about to poop so I got him on the toilet, and he held it in and got constipated. So obviously he has the muscle control. I think using the potty is just too strange of a concept for him. At some point, I will get serious about it. The cloth diapers are going well so far, so I am glad we made the switch.

His language development is great considering he hasn't learned to say no or mine yet. He hasn't learned to say much at all, but as long as he isn't saying those two words, it doesn't bother me. If anything, the first phrase he is going to learn to say (because he hears it all the time), "Oh my gosh, you are just crazy!" What really blows my mind is Elysha was speaking in full sentences by this time. I have a voicemail on my cell phone where she is saying, "I love you. I miss you. Come home soon." She was 19 months at the time. Sam says, "eeoo" for Elmo and "puh-puh" for poo-poo. I think I might be the only person who understands the ten words he has right now. Except "dah-dah" which he yells out constantly in the morning so that Chang will get him when he wakes up. It's great!

Elysha is Reading!

My little baby is reading! I am so impressed. She was so proud of herself. I was concerned that she wasn't learning her phonics but once we worked on it together at home, she just tore through all her letters and brought home her first book in a matter of months.

Elysha, uhmma and abpa are so proud of you!


Joey has progressed a lot in her reading too. She can read most Biscuit books with no problem.

My Beautiful Girls

I forgot to post a picture of my mommy. We met her the week before mother's day. Growing up, my mom was a girlie girl and being rebellious, I was anti-glam. I think I wore jeans, a Hanes t-shirt, and flip-flops every day my senior year in high school. Still don't know how to do my hair and recently realized that make-up really can be a good friend. And yeah, starting to really love shoes. I must have like 15 pairs now--which is a lot for me.

Anyhow, my mom has always loved shoes. The one and only time I ever heard her curse in English was when she scrapped her Ferragamo boots against a brick wall. So I have been buying her really nice shoes these days for special occasions. But I figured she deserves it. She is a survivor in so many ways and she still tries to take care of us. It is about time I treat her to luxuries that she would never buy for herself.

My kun-emo--she is my second mom. Of course, my little babies. Joey, with her poses (seriously, where did she learn that from?) and Elysha with her precious smile. Okay, Sam isn't a girl but he is attached to my hip so he is an extension of me.

I am so blessed to have such beautiful women in my life.

Mother's Day and Celebrity Sightings

On Saturday, Chang took us out for a beautiful brunch at Geoffry's in Malibu. The terrace is right on top of the beach so the view is breathtaking. Unfortunately, Elysha puked twice during the night so we were up until at least 2 am cleaning her up, washing the comforter, duvet, stuffed animals and sheets. Joey, in all her concern, scrambled up to the top bunk (they sleep together every night on the bottom bunk). When Chang spotted her on top, she said she moved up because she didn't want to get her nightgown dirty.

Benjamin McKenzie was there and we happened to walk out of the restaurant at the same time. This middle-aged man came up to him and told him how much he enjoyed his new show and asked him a few questions. Benjamin seemed annoyed. Then my kids were skipping around him and he was not amused by adorable children. Hmph...

We then proceeded to the Malibu Country Mart and our kids were swinging beside Minnie Driver's baby. She was off to the side eating her meal with a friend and the nanny was playing with the kid. At first, I thought, typical. But then I realized that if I have someone watching my kids for me, I would be ignoring my kids too...especially if food is involved.






Being in West LA, we see a lot of celebrities but for the most part, they all seem very down to earth. I have never initiated interaction with any of them, but usually because of my gorgeous children, I end up having conversations with them occasionally. Every one of them was very congenial--except Benjamin. So I'm turned off. Not that I was ever turned on, but the switch is most definitely down.

Since people are always asking us, I thought it would be fun to share whom we have seen:

Owen Wilson--had to throw a ball back to him in the park.
Lindsey Lohan--had lunch next to her. She seemed to want to be noticed. My kids peeked over to her booth but she just ignored them.
Julia Ormand--she kind of spoke to me but I ignored her because my kids were all over the place.
Tom Everett Scott--his wife started talking to me because she thought Joey was so cute. He was my first celebrity encounter so when he came up and started talking to me too, I totally turned red. Yup, cool as a cucumber, that's me.
Paul Reiser--in an elevator together, started talking to Joey when she was a baby and then to me. Kept my cool then.
Rachel Griffiths--daughters had dance class together. she came to pick up once and commented on how cute my girls were. started talking about our kids because her kids are similar ages to Joey and Elysha.
Benjamin Bratt--ate brunch at same place and then both headed over to Whole Foods. I think he thought we were stalking him because we kept going into the same aisles as him and his family.
Joshua Jackson--same thing with whole foods--we kept going into the same aisle and bumping into each other.
Courtney Thorne Smith--our boys kept cooing at each other so we interacted a little while eating dinner
Ian Somerhalder (Boone from Lost)--were waiting for an elevator together, thought Elysha was so cute.
Chris Rock, Elizabeth Rohm (from Law and Order), Christian Bale, Gwen Stefani, Al Pacino, and Marcia Cross--just crossed paths while in the same restaurant or store but no interaction. Whew--now that I am writing this, I guess I have seen my share of people. Chang has seen more but I am not allowed to mention them because they are clients.

I have also been to places where I see paparazzi in swarms waiting to take a photo of someone. As much as I love People, I think it sucks to have your personal life invaded so much. I mean, when I have my blogging fans coming up to me, it is nice, but come on, give me some space! =)

Oink oink!

Well, I'm sure it isn't swine flu because what are the chances right? But Sam and I have been puking all day today. My whole body aches. I don't know what happened but I have been getting sick so much since giving birth to Sam. If the kids catch a cold, then I am bound to get it. Someone told me that she was like that after her third but since she had her fourth kid, she's been healthy as a horse. Hmmm...if that is what it takes for me to get healthy again, I think I better buy stock in Nyquil and Tylenol.

Making the Plunge

I did it. I ordered a diaper service today. I will be starting next week. (BTW, Honey, I ordered a diaper service. We'll be starting next week. Just so you know...)

It is twice as expensive as Costco disposable diapers but I really believe it will help me get him potty trained by the time he turns two...maybe even sooner? They said that most kids are potty trained by 18 months, outside of the US. So he is capable, I'm just lazy.

I was lazy with Joey but she insisted right after she turned two. Despite my protests, she was ready. Elysha insisted on not being potty trained until she was almost three, and even then, we had to force her so she could go to school. With Sam, however, I am on a mission (cue inspirational music). I will significantly eliminate the number of diapers that will go into the landfills. I will ultimately save our family money. But most importantly, I will be done with diapers FOREVER (echo fade Forever, forever)!

Warm and Fuzzy--that's Me!

One thing I love about being a mom is that I get to cuddle with my kids. (I know, I am not usually sappy on my blog, so excuse this deviation.)

Because of stuff from my childhood, I became a bit stiff around people that I didn't know. As Chang likes to say, I was a cold fish. I wasn't one to hug people, shake hands, make eye contact, acknowledge your existence. I was a guarded person and didn't like to be touched. Yup, the life of the party, that was me...if life of the party means hovering over the food table the whole time, that was me.

But becoming a mom changes all that. There is no such thing as personal space with kids. They are hovering inches away from you all day, if not actually hanging onto you. Yes, it gets annoying. But I know I will miss the day that Sam doesn't want me to smother him with kisses, when Elysha doesn't smash her face against mine in bed so that we both don't have to wake up, when Joey stops rubbing my eyebrows when she is upset or tired. I hope that a day doesn't go by when I don't kiss my kids more times than I can count on my fingers, or when I don't scoop them up in my arms, sit them in my lap, and squeeze them against my body and tell them that I love them.

Now that I have my cuddle bunnies, I have become a warm and fuzzy person with other people too. I know that I am still not little Miss Sunshine, but hopefully, people won't still use terms like "cold fish" and "a nut that you have to crack" to describe me anymore.