10 Things I Can Live Without...

1) "I'm DONE!!!" announcements coming from the bathroom, implying that whichever child is sitting on the toilet is expecting me to wipe their butt.
2) Going to the bathroom and seeing that a bowel movement was not flushed. It makes me wonder what else was not done after neglecting to flush...
3) Potty Training. Do I really need to go through this torture yet again to be diaper-free for the first time in over six years?
4) Slaving over a hot stove for dinner and then hearing, "Yucky!" It makes me want to serve liver and brussel sprouts for ten days consecutively (I'll give you yucky...).
5) Everyone else getting sick every time one of the kids getting sick.
6) Me getting sick every time everyone else is sick because I don't get any sick days.
7) People giving me the eye when I say I want a margarita at 9 o'clock in the morning.
8) People giving me the eye when I get a margarita at 10 o'clock in the morning.
9) Having to wake up in the middle of the night because Sam is screaming that he can't find his blankie (usually he's lying on top of it but doesn't realize it).
10) Fighting (Elysha told me today that for Mother's Day, she was going to be nice to Joey and not fight with her. "Just for that one day," she said so proudly...can't wait!).

No Waste Family

That is what I call our family to our kids whenever they do something that is wasteful to me--"What family are we?" In monotone unison, "The no waste family." "That's right so eat that last grain of rice!"

I really hate it when things or food go to waste. I am not sure if it is the Korean immigrant mentality in me, the tree hugger in me, or the scrooge in me--probably a combination of all three.

While I don't go to the lengths of 1st generation Korean moms who would reuse ziplock bags (I actually rarely use ziplocks because they are not recycleable, but if I do and there are no greasy food particles in it, I will use it to wrap Sam's poopy pull-up), I am pretty bad, or good, depending on your perspective--

All the artwork our children do at home is on the back of a piece of paper. Only if they are drawing a picture for someone's birthday card, do I give them ONE piece of clean paper. When I give them the pristine sheet of paper, their eyes light up like it is Christmas.

If there is cake leftover from a birthday party, I see it as my own personal mission to eat it all up before it goes bad. Once we had 1/4 sheet of ice cream cake left and I ate it all up on my own in less than a week. It was a tough job but the thought of throwing out all that cake was too painful.

As far as I am concerned, those "best used by" dates on food are an approximation, give or take a year...and that includes dairy products. Chang and I are big into the sniff test. A little sour odor just means there are more active bacteria to help us poop better...waaay better.

Reduce, reuse, recycle!

Ode to Butter: How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways...

I made these blueberry muffins with a cinnamon crumb top and they were delicious. But my favorite part was the crumb top which is made with butter, cinnamon, flour and sugar. I ate three in one sitting, and each time I ate the crispy, flavorful, crumb top, I couldn't help but think to myself how much I love butter. It makes everything butter, I mean better.

Seriously. Whoever thought of churning cream until it thickened and became a solid substance should have won the Nobel prize.

Other genius food creations which inventors I applaud is bacon and any food items that contain bacon, anything fried, cheese, hamburgers (which is why cheeseburgers with onion rings and bacon are my favorite), steak, prime rib, Korean BBQ, and potatoes of any kind.

Hungry yet???

We are the World

Living in LA, you can imagine that there are a lot of people on street corners asking for money. Last month, as we were stopped at an intersection, Joey noticed a man holding a sign walking down the divider. She asked what he was doing. I explained to her that he didn't have a home and he was asking for money. Then I went on to remind the kids that we should be grateful for all that we have and not be greedy or materialistic. That night Joey wanted to pray for that man during our nightly prayers. I thought it was so sweet of her, so we talked about things that we could do to help people less fortunate than we are. We made a plan to break open the girls' piggy banks and donate 10% of their money to help homeless kids. I told her that it is nice that she was so concerned. As I kissed them good night, I felt secretly proud to be raising such good-hearted, generous girls.

After we put the kids to bed, Joey came out crying because she couldn't stop thinking about the man. "You better get back into bed or we won't be helping the homeless people anymore!" So Joey reluctantly went back into her room.

Yesterday, after hanging out at the LA County Art Museum, we saw another panhandler. Joey asked about this man also and asked why we weren't giving him money if he needed it. Chang was about to pull out some loose change to give to him, and I told him not to. He said, "I just don't want her staying awake again because of this!"

I tried to explain to Joey that it is good to donate to organizations to help people in need. "Mommy and Daddy give money to places like that so that they can help others. Like we have two children from Africa..."
Joey: Mommy, we're not African!
Chang just started laughing so hard and so did I. I couldn't finish my explanation that we support two girls who live in Africa through World Vision. It was just too funny. Then Joey started to laugh too, but for different reasons.
Joey: Mommy, we're not from Africa. We're Korean!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

The other day Joey and Elysha were playing horse racing in the car with their My Little Ponies. Joey pretended to be blowing past Elysha so she said, "See you later, alligator!"

So Elysha said to Joey, "See you later, hippopotamus!"

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We went to our elementary school's ice cream social for incoming kindergarteners. Joey was really excited and all day, changed her clothes, added and removed accessories, and decided she was going to wear her fancy shoes. When Chang got home from work, he put on a pair of shorts, but didn't put on a shirt since it has been blistering hot these days (we don't have any form of air conditioning so it's pretty hot inside our house). Chang was trying to corral the kids to get ready to go, so he said, "Come on, let's get going."

Joey was mortified and yelled at Chang, "Daddy put a shirt on! It's rude to go without a shirt!" Of course, Chang had every intention of putting on a shirt before we left the house. But that wasn't clear to Joey. I'm sure she was just concerned that the other kids would be jealous of her father's amazing physique.

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Sam's vocabulary continues to expand. The other day in the car he kept repeating something. I wasn't quite sure what he was saying but it sounded like he wanted something. Then we passed the Golden Arches and his repetitive cry became more emphatic.

"I want McDonald's!"

I'm too sexy for my shirt...

#1 Dad

So Chang was amazing while I was gone. He always is so helpful and thoughtful. Apparently, Joey doesn't think so...

For Father's Day, our church gifted the fathers with a book and little trophy that says #1 Dad. We finally took it out of the car the other day and Joey put the trophy on Chang's night stand. After looking at it for a while, she turned to Chang and astutely asked,

"Why do you get a trophy if you haven't done anything?"

What Rhymes with Spit?

It's been a busy week. My in-laws have been in town, one of my closest friends was visiting from the east coast, and a very dear friend of mine is going back to her home country. So I have only had time to blog for the site that actually pays me. However, Joey said the funniest thing the other day and I just had to document it.

The girls have been into rhyming words. Oftentimes in the car, we will play the rhyming game and Joey will come up with some clever word and then Elysha will copy Joey:

Joey: Oh, I've got one. Duck/Truck. Does that rhyme Mommy?
Me: Yes it does. Good job.
Elysha: My turn, my turn! Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...duck/truck! Does that rhyme Mommy?
Joey: I just said that! You're copying me.
Elysha: No, you're copying me.
Joey: Stop copying me!
Elysha: You stop copying me!
Both: Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Me: STOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! Both of you just stop it before I pull this car over and ...(I refuse to actually document the things that I say to the kids that could be damaging in court).

Anyhow, usually, they actually make the effort to think of real words. But the other day, they wanted to advance their skills so they tried to rhyme more difficult words. This, however, just resulted in them making up words to rhyme with the aforementioned difficult words, like this:
Elysha: Kitchen...kitchen...bitchen! Kitchen/bitchen! Daddy, is bitchen a word?
Chang: (dying inside to suppress his laugh) Not really.

Also, the girls have been learning sign language in school. Over Valentine's day, they learned how to sign "I love you" which is the thumb, index finger and pinkie up and the two other fingers down. Joey, was counting a while back and accidentally flipped the bird. I told Joey to be careful because people do that when they don't like someone.

So the other day, Joey signed "I love you" and said, "this means I love you!" And then she proceeded to raise her middle finger and said, "and this means, I don't love you."

Elysha continues to fart and blames Sam for it.

Sam has major anger management issues. He wants to do everything the girls are doing and when he can't, he has a major meltdown. It hasn't been fun. But he is starting to speak more these days so he has been saying, nigh-nigh, poo-poo, milk in korean (though he says ah-wah), hi (though he says hieeeeeeeeeeee) and byeeeeeeeeee while waving, and today he said thank you and baby. He also loves playing the drums, piano, acoustic and electric guitar. And he dances like Austin Powers. It's hilarious.

Sam, the Scapegoat

When the girls came into our room this morning, they were wearing different pajamas than the ones they were wearing when we tucked them into bed. Hmm...either they were goofing around at night or one of them had an accident and in solidarity, they both changed their clothes to throw us off.

Joey is good at keeping her cool and sticking to her story. Elysha, on the other hand, is devious in her own little way. My sister in law came into their room and Elysha pointed to a spot on the carpet and said, "it is not wet right there." So of course, my SIL went over to the "not wet" spot and found it to be exceedingly damp.
"Did someone have an accident?" my SIL inquired.
"It was Sam," blurted out Elysha.
Sam, who had just woken up and is always clad in diapers, was blamed for the pee pee on the carpet.

Later that night, I was washing Elysha's hands and feet, and she farted twice. We both giggled until she tried to blame me.
"Mommy, did you bangoo two times?"
"No Elysha, uhmma did not bangoo. I wonder who did."
"It was Sam. Sammy bangooed two times."
Sam, who was nowhere near the bathroom, was blamed for the farts.

The poor boy can't defend himself yet. Life should get very interesting when he can speak. I wonder if that is why Elysha is insisting on getting a dog. Perhaps she should be asking for a goat.

I've Sunk to New Lows

I snuck away from where the kids were, to eat the last s'more (made over the weekend while up in the mountains) so I didn't have to share.

The Uninvited

I've been sick since Friday but in denial until Sunday morning. Luckily, I was at my mom's so I just continued to sleep, even though everyone else woke up. After I ate a little breakfast, I went back into bed and slept a lot. It was wonderful to wake up to an empty house. The thought crossed my mind to take a shower but I just felt so weak.


After we got home last night, I started to feel gross but again, just wanted to get into bed. So today, I was smelling similar to the Survivor contestants but decided to sleep until the last possible moment. When Chang finally left to take the girls to school, I thought that I would wait until Sam naps before I would shower. However, even I couldn't take my own stench anymore. I turned on PBS kids for Sam and jumped into the shower, vowing to be as quick as possible. After I was already soaked, I realized I didn't leave the bathroom door open. Poor Sam, I thought. He is going to wander around the house, wringing his hands crying for me.


Thump!!! Suddenly, I saw this at the shower door:

And I looked like this:

Cookie Monster

I was starved the other day when I picked up the girls. I meant to grab a piece of chocolate from the kids' Halloween stash but totally forgot in my rush to get out of the house in time.

These days I have been packing some snacks into the girls' lunchboxes because they are always whining that they are so hungry when I pick them up from school. I also packed another lunchbag of snacks, including microwave popcorn which is Joey's favorite. Knowing how much Joey loves popcorn, I thought (mistakenly) that she would not miss her bag of chocolate chip cookies that I packed into her school lunchbox but found uneaten. On the way to Elysha's gymnastics class, however, Joey asked me for the cookies. I distracted her with the popcorn, verbally drawing dramatic pictures of the delicious morsel she would dine on soon. She smiled contently as we drove to class. I mentally pat myself on the bag for avoiding the whining and meltdown that would have occurred had I confessed to eating her cookies.

I left the popcorn in the microwave a little too long so some of it was burnt and it just didn't taste very good. So Joey started asking me for the cookies again. I panicked, I didn't know what to do. Should I tell her that I ate them and deal with another dramatic episode in front of other moms? Hoping to avoid public humiliation, I told Joey that the cookies were in the car and we would get them in a little bit. Yes, that's right folks, I lied to my child. I spat in the face of morality to satiate my growling stomach. As we were walking to the car, she began to ask me for the cookies again. Damn, these kids with their single-mindedness! So I told her it was getting too late to be snacking. Whining commenced. I offered her other options but to no avail. Animal crackers? Goldfish crackers? Brownies? Nope, nope, nope--she just wanted her cookies...so I just said, we'll see...I was trying to buy some time to think of something I could tell her.

As I loaded up the troops into the car, Joey scrambled up front to grab her lunchbox. Dead woman walking, that's what I am. I expected her to open up her lunchbox, notice the missing chocolate chip cookies, and just start bawling. I could see her in therapy, 20 years later, discussing all the deprivation she experienced at the hands of her mother.

But the most unexpected thing happened. She pulled out her organic, salt-free, brown rice cracker, smiled, and went back to her car seat, happily munching on styrofoam. I don't understand exactly what happened here, but disaster was diverted, and I learned a valuable lesson; always keep a secret stash of cookies in the car for me.

Echo on the Line

Don't you hate it when you are talking to someone on the cell phone and you can hear your echo? It drives me crazy so I hang up with the person and call them back. I can't deal with it for even a second.

So imagine how annoyed I get when the girls do this to me when I am trying to use my damn bluetooth. I am still not comfortable with it. I feel pretentious when I put it on--I don't know why. And I can't hear as well when I am using it so I end up pressing it into my ear which doesn't exactly make me drive "hands-free."

But for some reason, the girls ALWAYS repeat my commands. I don't know if they think it is funny or if they are practicing for the future, but without fail, they repeat what I say. Like if I am calling a friend, this is what you would hear in my car.

Me: Call Reese Witherspoon.
Girls (in unison): Call Reese Widaspew.
Phone: Call Rice Widerspown, is this correct? beep!
Me: Yes.
Girls (in unison): Yes
Phone: Command timed out. Did you say, Call Rice Widerspown? beep!
Me: YES!
Girls (in unison): YES!
Phone: Command time--
Me: Can you please be quiet while I am trying to call mommy's friend?
Phone:--d out. Did you say Call Rice Widerspown? beep!
Me: Ye--
Elysha: Why, mommy? Why do I need to be quiet?
Phone: Command timed out. Please try again.
Me: !@#$%^&*()

Because the girls repeat what I say a split second later, the phone hears, "yes-yes" which is a response it is not programmed for. It is so freakin' annoying. I think I am going to go back to dialing while I am looking at my phone. It might be a hazard and a pedestrian or two might be hurt in the process, but it saves me the aggravation of the Bobbsey twins in my backseat.

The Money Tree

I got the new Pottery Barn Kids catalog today so I was flipping through it while the girls ate their snacks. Joey and Elysha love catalogues and will often study them while on the toilet or while eating their breakfast. As I perused the periodical, Joey was looking over my shoulder and suddenly became very greedy. She pointed to almost every item on a page and said, "I want that and that and that!" I ignored her as I normally do and flipped to the next page. Again, she declared, "I want that and that and that. I want all of it."

Just today as I was having lunch with a friend, we talked about our humble upbringings. My friend said that her mom would buy one Mrs. Field's cookie and she would split it between her four children. I scoffed at my friend, "My parents never bought me a Mrs. Field's cookie!"

So naturally, upon hearing my child ravenously desire all these things that she doesn't need or already has (dolls, jewelry boxes, beds), I felt it necessary to give her a lesson in home economics. Perhaps she is old enough now to understand that Daddy works hard to provide for our family and with the economy in such turmoil, it is necessary for us to tighten our belts. In a split second, I already envision our conversation in my head. I tell her about our monthly obligations with our mortgage, preschool tuitions and tithing. Because she is a math whiz, she calculates, in her head, the budget, understands our shortfalls, and offers ideas on how to revise our spending. She then explains to me that the reason she whines about wanting a pretzel every single time we are at the mall is because she heard on NPR that the quickest way to get out of an economic recession is to increase consumer spending.

Well, here is how the conversation actually went...


Me: Joey, do you know where money comes from?

Joey (without hesitation): TREES!

I'm Not Alone

My friend sent me this email which I thought was great. It helped me to feel that I am not alone in my "that oughta' teach 'em" method of parenting. I thought I would share since I don't have the time to come up with an original thought and the phrase "hanging on by a thread" comes to mind when I think of my mental state.


So, please feel to comment about whether or not you think this method is a little extreme. I plan to try it the next time the kids give me grief. I do not know who to credit for this flash of brillance.




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Tough Love vs. Spanking


Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.


Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.


I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.