Mean Girls

After reading about Phoebe Prince, it got me thinking. As I mentioned before, Joey was having issues at school with her friends. From what her teacher told me, Joey is a part of this group of girls which mostly consists of four girls. Out of these four girls, there is one little girl, O, that everyone just adores. Joey considers this girl her best friend. Trouble is, I think that all the girls consider O their best friend. Another little girl in their group is a very dominant, alpha-female sort of personality, A. Whenever Joey and O were getting close, A would get jealous and be mean to Joey. She would exclude Joey from games, get the other girls to exclude Joey, and say mean things to her.

Every now and then, when I picked up Joey from school, she would tell me that O or A were being mean to her, and I didn't take it too seriously. I would just tell her to walk away, find other people to play with, or that it was okay to play on her own too.

One day when I was picking up Joey from school, she looked really forlorn. She was being comforted by her teacher and was so distracted that she didn't see me coming. I asked what was going on and her teacher told me what was going on for the past few weeks. I felt so bad for Joey that she had to experience such aggressive behavior from other girls. But at the same time, I was surprised that it could all start so young. The teacher informed me that she had emailed A's parents and told them that their daughter's behavior was not acceptable. She didn't think that Joey was culpable and because she is so sweet and sensitive, her teacher thought it made her an easier target for A. So I tried to help Joey cultivate stronger friendships with each of these girls individually. But now I would like to try and help Joey become better friends with other little girls in her class--girls who are not so dominant and aggressive. It's funny because the teacher referred to Joey's little clique as the popular group--already! In kindergarten! Her teacher threw her hands up in the air and with disbelief said that she couldn't believe it started so young. She said that every year, there is a group of girls in her class that are catty and mean. The troubling thing that she said is that it just gets worse--even more reason to get Joey closer to other kids.

I've learned two things from all this: 1) to teach Joey to stand up for herself. As the oldest child, she has been brainwashed to give in to her brother and sister. I think we have always valued sacrifice and admired Joey for her willingness to give up things or privileges to her siblings. But now we have been trying to teach her that it is okay to say no, but just not be mean in her refusal. 2) to teach all three kids the golden rule should be applied in reverse too. We keep harping on the girls especially to treat other people the way they want to be treated. But now I am also telling Joey that she should expect people to treat her with kindness and if they don't, then perhaps those are not friends worth keeping.

Sorry, another brain puking post but it's hard to believe I am dealing with such issues with my kindergartener (not to freak you out Mommy Lim) and it is making me flashforward to the girls' future and hoping and praying that they find good friends. Chances are, the friends they make in their first two years of elementary school will be their closest friends until they graduate 5th grade and possibly beyond. So it isn't entirely neurotic of me to be concerned, right?

Elysha

I was thinking about Elysha while I was gone (I'm back now). Chang and I were laughing about how funny she is and I thought I would write about what makes her an individual person so different from Joey.

One of my all-time favorite photos--the day we brought Elysha home from the hospital, Joey was so excited.

This is when she was about six months old. Her eyes and cheeks grew the most.

And then her hair kept growing taller instead of longer...

Halloween 2006--Hard to believe that was just three years ago...

Elysha loved Sam immediately. He was two months old here and she is reading him a book.

Elysha with her precious desserts.

Happy 4th birthday...

As I said before, the only thing Elysha focuses on with any sort of tenacity is the consumption of dessert or any other treat. I guess she gets that from me. Otherwise, the girl gets distracted so easily. It takes her at least 30 minutes to put on her clothes in the morning. While I am trying to get their lunches together, feed them breakfast and put away the dishes, I'll run to the room to see what progress the girls have made in getting themselves ready. More often than not, I'll find Elysha sitting in her underwear (on a good day), playing with a toy, or reading a book, with her selected clothes strewn on the ground around her.

Me: Elysha! Get dressed!
Elysha: Huh? Oh yeah, I am getting dressed.
Me: Then put the book away.
Elysha: What book? I didn't take it out. Unni (Joey) took it out. It was already open so I was just looking at it while I was getting dressed.

I guess she gets that from her dad. She thinks she can talk her way in or out of anything. And then cocks her head and flashes her dimpled smile.

If the girl had it her way, she would be carried or strolled from point A to point B, always. We were at Legoland walking through mini-land. When we were ready to move on, I said, "Alright, let's go!" However, Chang and I couldn't see Elysha so we started to yell for her. Apparently, the moment I mentioned that we would be going to the next display, she jumped into the stroller but neither of us saw her do that. When Chang started pushing the stroller, he could feel her dead weight and turned to me and said, "where do you think she is?"

Usually when we walk anywhere and we force her to walk, she trails behind us 100 feet, as if to punish us. "If you are going to make me walk, I'm going to walk as slowly as possible." As we were leaving Legoland, Sam was squirming in the stroller so we let him get out. An unexpected opportunity! Suddenly, Elysha comes barreling out of nowhere and starts gunning toward the stroller. I swear I never saw her run so fast in her life.

I know that there are so many ways that Elysha and Joey are similar aside from their looks (we always get the "Are they twins?" question when one is clearly a head taller than the other). But we always feel like our kids are so different, and that's what makes it all so crazy and fun.

Back on Track

Sorry for being so bad about missing out on the blogging world these last couple of months. I don't even remember what made the summer so crazy except that the girls were home for about a month. Yeah, I guess that would make my life pretty crazy having three kids home with me 24/7...

I completely quit Savvy now that I helped them transition over to their new format. It's strange not having anything other to do except just the normal household stuff. I feel like I have so much time on my hands now.



We've had to wake up earlier so that we can get Joey to school on time. I don't know if it is due to lack of sleep but we have all been really cranky. By the time the kids go to sleep, I am so tired that I just completely veg in front of the TV while eating ice cream. I have discovered the CW shows and I am officially in love with America's Top Model. I find it completely fascinating but I'm not sure why. Maybe it is because I enjoy hating these vapid pretty girls and their petty catfights...but that doesn't explain the tears of sympathy I shed for the girls who get kicked off, and why I am so looking forward to watching the new episode tonight!

Sam had a verbal explosion and he talks like crazy. It's really cute and a huge relief that he can communicate his needs instead of pointing his fingers and grunting. But he also says things like, "That's funny Mommy!" or "Stop it, Daddy!" or "I want ice cream."



We ran out of formula and I decided it's time to say good-bye to the bottle. I thought it would be a difficult transition since the moment he sees his little 4 oz bottle of formula at night, he would grab it, open the cap, start drinking it, go to his sisters and say good-night (and give them a big formula-tasting kiss), and then grab his blankie and a book, climb up the glider and get ready for bed. He loved his bottle and honestly, I loved giving it to him. It was my way of hindering his development and keeping him my little baby. Obviously, he was ready to move on because he hasn't had any problems with the adjustment. Now it is just the thin but super-absorbent line of diapers that keeps Sam in babyland. But that is something I would be more than happy to be done with so we'll start working on potty training. I have no idea how to potty train a boy so this will be a challenge I'm sure.



Joey has a loose tooth! She is so excited. "I'm going to get A LOT of money from the tooth fairy!" she exclaimed. Without looking at her I said, "Mmmm, maybe not a lot of money. Maybe just a quarter which you can put in your piggy bank and put towards your college savings."



We have also been working on Joey not sucking her thumb since August. For the last few years, she has said that she wanted to stop but it was hard for her to commit to it. I finally broke down a bought a thumb guard and it worked really well. Within a week, she didn't need it during the days. At nights, however, she pulls it off and sucks her thumb. But since her tooth came loose, she said that she stopped sucking at nights too because we told her that it might make her tooth come out too early and it will hurt. So Joey might have finally stopped with her thumb sucking which is a major achievement. She found her thumb at three months and has sucked it non-stop since then.

Off to Boston

Baby BFF was born this morning after 24 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of pushing and an eventual c-section. Looks like I'll be going back and forth from the hospital a lot while I am there--in addition to seeing my nephew, and hanging out with the new mommy, I will be very close to my old stomping grounds of my college. I fell in love with the campus while I was there, and miss it as much as I miss my old friends.

I am afraid that everything is going to fall apart at home while I am gone. It is silly since Chang is such a capable person and two of my aunts are going to be here to help out. But I've done all the laundry for the week, paid all the bills, and bought nutritious lunchables so Chang can just dump and go in the morning. I know it's going to be fine and the kids will be fine, but I actually am sad to go and leave my family behind for so long.

I haven't told the girls yet that I am leaving because I was afraid that everyday they would ask me about it and the anticipation would be worse than the actual departure. But Joey overheard me talking about it and so casually asked me about the trip. The girls clung onto me last night when we were putting them to sleep when I told them that I would be leaving "soon" but not in a panicky way--more in a "I'm really going to miss you but go have fun because we'll be alright so don't worry about us" way.

Do you ever just look at your kids and realize that they are older today than they were yesterday? You know, something about the way they are carrying themselves or talking is slightly different? That's what I've been noticing about the kids. Sam is just hilarious and crazy as usual. Elysha just amazes me with her comprehension and her love for her siblings. Joey just keeps maturing by leaps and bounds. She has been helping me with dinner, setting the table, cleaning up, taking care of her younger siblings. Something changed in her overnight and suddenly, she has become extremely mature.

Oh and Sam pooped in the potty on Friday! He isn't anywhere near being potty trained but he seems to understand more than before.

Wearing Naeng Myun

Afternoon tea on our new outdoor furniture, courtesy of PBK.

On Joey's preschool graduation day

Happy 4th Birthday Elysha!

Our little Elysha is turning four this weekend! She has been waiting for this day for a very long time. When we went to Legoland in May, she was barred from a ride because she wasn't four years old. She was so devastated and Chang was peeved. He wanted to go to Legoland on her 4th birthday to make it up to her. She keeps saying that now she can ride the horsey ride at Legoland. Who knew that four years old would be such a big milestone?

We threw her a little party this year. Her first girlie party. Silvermist (the water fairy from the new Tinkerbell movie) was invited per Elysha's request. Last year's party was also in our backyard and it was the hottest day of the year. It was sweltering heat. This year it sprinkled on and off all throughout the party--not hard enough to get anyone wet, thank goodness. Plus the weather wasn't too cold so it all worked out.

In this past year, she started preschool, learned to socialize with other kids on a much larger scale and not be so dependent on Joey's company, learned her alphabet and phonics and numbers, learned to read and learned to count and add. Something changed this past year for her mentally too--it's hard to explain. Elysha was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 18 months. She was amazing. But I feel like this past year, she really understands what she is saying, is able to explain herself better, and is no longer just parroting Joey. She is really becoming her own person and I like it. She is really good at sharing her stuff and is genuinely happy for other people. She has a really big heart. We are so proud of her in so many ways and I am excited to see what this next school year is going to be like for her, being one of the older kids. She hasn't really been in this situation so I would like to see her take on a more leadership role. I feel like she is compassionate and very empathetic with others, which probably comes with the territory of being a middle child--a good plus!

When we were at my mom's house a few months ago, my mom was lying down in bed, reading. Elysha came into her room and lie down next to my mom. Then she got up and grabbed some snacks and fed my mom and herself while lying together. How sweet, right?

We love you Elysha! Thank you for being you, my considerate, compassionate, puzzle-loving, playdoh-loving, and karaoke-loving sweetheart.

Sam trying to make his moves on Silvermist.

Bunk Bed

We got bunk beds for the girls. I am a little freaked out about one of the girls falling off the top bunk bed but there is no way we can get two desks into their room otherwise. One day, out of the blue, Joey told me she really wanted bunk beds. I thought, well, if they want it and we want to get it for them, might as well...

After we told them they were getting bunk beds and that Joey is going to sleep on top, Elysha whined incessantly about wanting to sleep on top. At first I tried to explain to her that since Joey is older, she needs to be on top. And then I tried to make it sound cool because Elysha gets to be on the bigger bed on the bottom. But nope, whine, whine, whine. So then, whenever Joey would bring up the bunk beds and Elysha started whining, I would just tell them to stop talking about it because the beds weren't even here so it is a moot issue.

Well, we got the beds in yesterday and it looks great. The girls got home from school and immediately played on the top. Elysha whined about wanting to sleep on top but a little less vociferously. By nightfall, the whining had stopped. I think the reality of being so high up scared her. I got home from the Kindergarten Conversation and they were already sound asleep so I didn't go in to say good-night. Chang said that the girls seemed a little sad to not be able to see each other while sleeping.

When I went in to check on them before I went to bed, I found Joey on the edge of Elysha's bed on the bottom. It looked like Joey had snuck onto Elysha's bed while Elysha was already sleeping because Elysha was in the middle and Joey was on the edge of the bed, literally about to fall off. So I moved them both in and thought it was so cute that for all their brave words, they were both too scared to sleep on top.

I'm sure this is going to be just one of the many times that the girls and even Sam will profess to be ready to move onto the next stage, but when it comes down to it, they are just as scared as I am to let them move on. They're my babies and they always will be.

Kindergarten Conversation

I attended the Kindergarten Conversation at our local elementary school. Our local school is the primary reason we moved into this area. As I listened to the teachers and administration and booster parents talk about their love for this school, I got excited. What an awesome school with dedicated support.

I went up to the principal later in the evening and was one of a handful of annoying parents talking about how brilliant our children are and how we are concerned that they might fall through the cracks. The principal had this look on her face that read, "self, remember these faces. These are the parents that are going to be exceedingly irritating."

Then I came home and looked through the information, considering what summer programs at the school would be best for Joey. She can be shy and slow to warm up so I think it would be great for her to get a head start when the pupil population is smaller.

But then it hit me, my baby is growing up. I am crying as I type this. How did this happen? How did she get so big? The kids get 2-20 minute recesses a day. That is it! And there will be daily homework. I think I got so caught up in the planning and logistics that it just didn't hit me until now. I'm an emotional mess now...how am I going to be when she actually starts? I'm not ready to let go. I'm really sad.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Joey lies. She's been doing it for a couple years now. She has also tried to steal from my mom once but my mom knew exactly what she was doing and warned me. The stealing episode was when she was three years old. Scary huh? I have friends whose kids are emotionally manipulative and my kids are not there yet (thank God). But lying...already? At age five, the only thing she can really lie about is whether or not she brushed her teeth or washed her hands after using the bathroom. Unfortunately for her, though her lips may speak falsehoods, her eyes scream out the truth. When she lies, she turns her face down so her eyes get really big and fearful.

Me: Joey, did you wash your hands?
Joey: (slowly and quietly responds) yes?
Me: Joey, please don't lie. Did you wash your hands?
Joey: (defensively and angrily responds) Yes! I did! I'm not lying...but don't smell my hands.

To say that I am concerned about the future when she is a teenager is an understatement of magnificent proportions.

How can you not trust this face?

Seeing the World through Her Eyes

The other day we went on a family bike ride. Chang had Sam in the front on the Bobike (picture of Bobike on right, not Sam and Chang, btw), Joey on her princess bike with training wheels, Elysha on the Kettler, and me on my mountain bike, my first extravagent purchase after I started working 13 years ago. We biked around our neighborhood, careful to avoid any major inclines. Sam would start fussing whenever Chang stopped to let us catch up to him, Joey was flying on her bike as she is itching to get her training wheels removed, and I followed behind Elysha. Let's just say the train before the caboose kept getting derailed by the sights and sounds of our neighborhood. I had to keep putting my foot down to keep from falling off my bike, due to lack of momentum. But it was so adorable.

"Ooo, look at that pretty flower."

"Mommy, do you see the thorns on that flower? Ooo...."

"Oooo, I hear a doggy in that house."

"Oooo, a kitty cat sleeping over there."

She was looking every which way but forward so she kept going off the sidewalk. Then she would worry that I wasn't following her so she would stop and look back at me. "Keep going Elysha." "Okay, mommy. Ooo, look, there's ants on the sidewalk."

While I am just watching out to make sure we don't run over dog poop, she is seeing all the wonders that LA has to offer, from two feet off the ground. Somewhere along the way, we grow up, we grow cold, embittered, cynical. We forget to "Oooo" over the little things in life. I am grateful to my kids who remind me to never lose that sense of awe (like Elysha on our bike ride). To feel good about little accomplishments achieved (Sam likes to get a rounding applause everytime he successfully manipulates a toy or stands up and dances). And to dance like there is nobody watching (Joey loves to shake her hips to music).

Good Gesture, Funny Reason

As I mentioned before, the girls have suddenly been the apples of my eye. They have been playing so well together, doing their own thing, asking nicely for my help with workbooks, and all in all, just so fun to be around.

This morning, they had to bring an object to school that started with the letter N. So I gave them nail polish which excited them greatly. I gave Joey the sparkly hot pink one and Elysha the light pink, non-sparkly one. Elysha got very upset so I tried to market the non-sparkly one to her.

Me: "This is a special one because Mommy was wearing this when I got married to Daddy. It is very special."
E: "But I want the SPARKLY one!!!"
J: "Here, Elysha. You can take the sparkly one. I will take the other one."
C: "Oh, good job Joey. Do you want to take that one because it is the special wedding nail polish?"
J: "No, because when Elysha starts crying like that, it hurts my ears."

Well, you have to give the girl credit for being honest, right? And besides, when Elysha whines, it is at a really high pitch. She has a teeny, tiny baby voice which gets even higher when she whines or mimics a mommy voice. It becomes inaudible to humans, and unnerving to dogs.