Parent Teacher Conferences for Fall 2009

We went through another round of parent teacher conferences for the girls. It is interesting to hear their teachers' perspectives, especially as the girls get older. I see how their personalities are becoming more defined. And of course, because I like to overanalyze everything, I think about what this means for their future in terms of academics, social development, sibling dynamics, etc. (This post is boring but I want to remember what the teachers said and my reflections of the girls upon hearing the teachers' observations--sorry!)

Joey has been doing really well in kindergarten. It took her a while to get comfortable with the other kids. Her teacher said that for the first few weeks, she wouldn't go outside and interact with the other kids. She would come back into the classroom and ask to help her teacher. I was very eager to help her make friends so I organized a playdate with a girl who Joey mentioned was nice to her. Suddenly, I had other girls' moms asking for playdates with Joey and now Joey has her group of friends. Yay! The teacher also mentioned that Joey is well liked by her classmates and gets along with them.

The teacher gave us a list of skills that kindergarteners need to master by the end of the year. Out of the list of 21 skills, Joey has two that she hasn't mastered. She couldn't read 5 of the 54 "sight words" and she needs to improve in her spelling when writing. The teacher was saying that she was hoping that Joey would take on a leadership role in the class but Joey is hesitant to be in the spotlight. That sounds about right. Even when Joey was two years old, she always hated being the center of attention in a large group setting. Among friends and family, she's comfortable--but bring in just one or two strangers, forget it. That's like me now, but I think as a kid, I was a lot more outgoing.

I'm really happy that we decided to start her off in kindergarten. The kids learn a lot of the culture, work ethics, and teacher expectations in kindergarten. While Joey would probably have fared decently in first grade, we are on a much more gradual learning curve. I've been supplementing her homework since it is so basic which has been forcing me to become more involved in their academic development. Darn--I guess I could only hold off for so long. And I guess that nerd gene is alive and well in me too. One thing I am loving is Joey's piano lessons. I am learning how to read music which I never learned to do in my 20 years of piano lessons.

Elysha is so different from Joey. They are both smart. But Joey has this innate desire to please others. Elysha could not care less. This is her teacher's observation. This is the same preschool teacher that Joey had so she was also marveling at how different the two girls are.

What cracks me up about Elysha is that she doesn't seem engaged while a teacher or parent is speaking (okay, cracks me up when it is someone else, really irritates me when it is me that she is rolling her eyes at). She doesn't appear to listen to you when she is talking but she gets it. She's definitely not a teacher's pet, but thankfully, she isn't a problem student either. She's going to be one of those kids who doodles on her notes in class and listens to music while studying but will perform just as well as the student who takes copious notes. She won't be gunning for extra credit, though, that is for sure.

Elysha doesn't challenge herself and would be happy to draw all day. But when her teacher asks her to do something, she is compliant. Elysha's reading has improved dramatically within the last two weeks. Things finally clicked for her and she is able to read the BOB books with no problem. She's at that stage where she is trying to read everything around her.

Elysha has no problems being the leader and speaking in front of the class. Now that she is one of the older children at her preschool, she has taken on a leadership role--she likes to help the younger kids but also likes to keep up with the kindergarteners. I don't know that she "competes" with Joey so much as she uses Joey as a pacemaker. She wants to keep up--Elysha gets upset when she can't do things as well as Joey--but we just keep reminding her that when Joey was her age, she could not do x,y,z either. Elysha used to get really upset but I think she is understanding better that it is a process.

We talked about Sam entering preschool next summer. He just seems so young compared to the girls at his age. I wonder how much of it is gender/personality vs. me coddling him. I wonder if he will be ready next summer and as excited as I am to finally be able to pee without Sam playing with his cars along the bathtub, I really wonder if I will be ready next summer to let him go. You would think that I would be singing from the rooftops "Freedom!" But a part of me thinks that I will be crying while I am getting a pedicure (because I will be finally taking care of myself after almost seven years of letting myself go to pot).

Why Preschool is a Safe Place for Parents to Grow Up

Also posted on Savvy Source:

Last week my oldest daughter started kindergarten camp at her new school. It is hard to believe she has hit this milestone already but here she is. I don't quite understand why she is so excited to start kindergarten. Maybe she got a secret memo that all students will be assigned a unicorn and a fairy godmother. In any case, when we got to the campus which appeared to be as large as a college campus, my daughter proudly walked through the gates. As I walked her to her class, we passed by ten foot boys and girls, and I wondered silently what high school students were doing on the campus. Then I realized that fifth graders are literally twice my daughter's age. I wrapped both of my arms around her as we walked, afraid of the moment that I would have to leave her for the day. We entered her classroom and were welcomed by a dozen students and a friendly teacher. My daughter gave me a kiss goodbye and tried to send me on my way. I left extremely reluctantly. When I found out there was a field trip at the end of the week, I asked if they needed any chaperons. "Nope, we're all set. It's time to let your little birdie leave the nest." Okay, maybe she didn't say that "leaving the nest" comment but that was the look she gave me when I asked to tag along on the field trip. I got back into the car and sobbed. I called my mom for comfort but all she could hear on the other end was high-pitched wailing.

As I smothered my toddler son the rest of that day (I refuse to let my baby grow up in warp speed like my oldest has), I realized how wonderful preschool is. It is a small, safe environment for parents to learn how to slowly let go of our children. I'm sure you probably think I am one of those parents who coddles her children and whose life revolves around them. Believe it or not, I am not...which is why I was so shocked by how emotional I got the day of kindergarten camp (I'm already prepared to completely lose it on the real first day of kindergarten). But I just felt like I was dropping a guppy into a tank full of sharks and hoping she survives the day.

I admit that I cried on the first day of preschool too. But that was for totally different reasons. She's my first born and I felt like it was the first big leap towards her imminent departure from my home...you know...for college. But it wasn't a sense of panic that brought on the tears. It was just the understanding that I had to let go. Preschool is wonderful for that (I realize that I am speaking from a full-time mom's perspective so I apologize). It is the first time that we learn to entrust our children into the hands of others, and also learn to trust our children. It is a place where all the little things we hope we are teaching them are practiced without us hovering over them--like washing hands after using the potty, not snatching toys away from others, and taking turns. It is the first time that they choose their own friends. We can't tell them to stay away from the boy who likes to say poo-poo too much or the girl who eats her boogers. It is a G-rated world where the S word is s-t-u-p-i-d.

Preschool is where parents take that first step towards not being the eyes, ears, and brain for your little ones. You are eased into it. Sometimes just twice a week for three hours at a time. And even then, when your kid picks up a bad habit from another kid in class, that sense of dread washes over you like a shot of Nyquil. It's not pleasant at first, but after a while, you feel warm and tingly. If it wasn't for that girl with the older brother who has been teaching my child how to making farting noises with her armpits, my child would still be perfect! But you realize that the trade-off is kind of nice. During that time away from your child, you could go to the gym, the grocery store, clean the house, and read the first ten chapters of War and Peace--wow, was I always this efficient with an extra two hours of time? Or you actually spend some one on one time with your baby who you never noticed had blue eyes because all those months you were breastfeeding, you were holding your baby in one arm, and wiping your newly potty-trained son's butt with the other. In any case, you get used to it pretty darn quickly. You embrace the idea of your child attending preschool and feel like this is going to be it. For two years, you are surrounded by the same twelve kids, you know all the moms, dads, nannies, siblings, grandparents, second cousins twice removed. It is a safe world. Then the world as you know it is ripped from you like a band-aid on a hairy arm. It hurts. A lot.

I know that I will get used to kindergarten and elementary school. I can't help but feel all the more grateful for preschool--the safety and comfort it provided me, as a parent, to let go of my child slowly, before entering the big world of grade school. And with that, I bid you adieu, Savvy readers. This is my last week. I am enjoyed my tenure but it is time for me to move on. I leave you in the capable hands of Elise Crane Derby, a former preschool teacher and blogger extraordinaire!

Happy 4th Birthday Elysha!

Our little Elysha is turning four this weekend! She has been waiting for this day for a very long time. When we went to Legoland in May, she was barred from a ride because she wasn't four years old. She was so devastated and Chang was peeved. He wanted to go to Legoland on her 4th birthday to make it up to her. She keeps saying that now she can ride the horsey ride at Legoland. Who knew that four years old would be such a big milestone?

We threw her a little party this year. Her first girlie party. Silvermist (the water fairy from the new Tinkerbell movie) was invited per Elysha's request. Last year's party was also in our backyard and it was the hottest day of the year. It was sweltering heat. This year it sprinkled on and off all throughout the party--not hard enough to get anyone wet, thank goodness. Plus the weather wasn't too cold so it all worked out.

In this past year, she started preschool, learned to socialize with other kids on a much larger scale and not be so dependent on Joey's company, learned her alphabet and phonics and numbers, learned to read and learned to count and add. Something changed this past year for her mentally too--it's hard to explain. Elysha was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 18 months. She was amazing. But I feel like this past year, she really understands what she is saying, is able to explain herself better, and is no longer just parroting Joey. She is really becoming her own person and I like it. She is really good at sharing her stuff and is genuinely happy for other people. She has a really big heart. We are so proud of her in so many ways and I am excited to see what this next school year is going to be like for her, being one of the older kids. She hasn't really been in this situation so I would like to see her take on a more leadership role. I feel like she is compassionate and very empathetic with others, which probably comes with the territory of being a middle child--a good plus!

When we were at my mom's house a few months ago, my mom was lying down in bed, reading. Elysha came into her room and lie down next to my mom. Then she got up and grabbed some snacks and fed my mom and herself while lying together. How sweet, right?

We love you Elysha! Thank you for being you, my considerate, compassionate, puzzle-loving, playdoh-loving, and karaoke-loving sweetheart.

Sam trying to make his moves on Silvermist.

Parent/Teacher Conference

Chang and I met with the girls' preschool teacher the other day, and she confirmed what I have known all along--my girls are freakin' geniuses.

Joey is reading really well and comprehending what she is reading. She has mastered addition, subtraction, multiplication, and is currently working on division. And if I drop a box of toothpicks on the floor, she can count them in six seconds.

Elysha is reading (at age three) and, according to her teacher, is academically, socially and emotionally advanced for her age. The teacher told us that Elysha is very motivated to excel because she wants to catch up to Joey. The teacher also thinks she will be the new leader of the Pink Ladies once the older girls graduate.

Because Joey is advanced academically, really tall for her age, and her birthday is not too far from the cutoff date for kindergarten, I am considering getting her tested for skipping kindergarten. I keep going back and forth because I am really worried that she will be bored in kindergarten and then become a slacker like her mama. But at the same time, it might boost her confidence being at the head of the class. And these days, everyone holds their kids back so I'm sure there will be kids similar to her at our local elementary school. The preschool teacher told us that she would write a note recommending that Joey skip kindergarten. But if we decided to not pursue it, then at the very least, she really wants us to make sure her kindergarten teacher knows that Joey is advanced so that her academic needs are met.

I'm not writing these things to brag. I am just really uncertain what to do. The thought that makes the most sense to me is leaving it up to Joey. The only person I know who skipped kindergarten, ended up going to Harvard and was a National Merit Scholar in high school. Her little sister, who was always trying to catch up, went to Harvard as well. Hmmm...what to do? what to do?

Preschool Photos

Everyone says that they look like twins and I always get annoyed because they look so different to me. But I see it in these photos. Equally beautiful...

On the Black List

Okay, so maybe I am not the most conscientious mother of three. I let Sam make a mess of things if it means I can talk to a friend for five seconds. But I cross-my-heart swear that I clean up after him. Often times, I hold him in my left arm so he is hanging like superman, and his arms are swinging, his body is bucking, and his legs are kicking, and with my right hand, I put things back in their place and then make a run for it, before I drop him like the 28 pound sack of potatoes that he is.

Sam was going crazy at the pediatrician's office on Wednesday, tearing through the waiting room like a tornado. Every time I stopped him from messing stuff up, he just lost it, screaming and howling, throwing his body around. I went up to the reception desk and asked about their return policy. I did not receive full disclosure prior to receipt of the package. How does one little Y chromosome make such a big difference?

So I don't have Stepford children and I am certainly no Stepford mother. Whatever...despite receiving a couple CNNBC reports that I have won mother of the year (thank you, it really is an honor), I don't care. But apparently, my laissez-faire mothering method really irks the girls' preschool teacher. If she could, she would be giving me time outs, or sending me home with notes of my unacceptable behavior. Whenever I pick up the girls from school, I bring Sam into the classroom with me. I have the girls go to the bathroom and wash their hands before we get into the car. I do my best to hold Sam down. But I have to sign the girls out and I can't do that one handed. So Sam the Destroyer does his best to do as much damage as possible. And sometimes, I have to pee, or help the girls gather their work, or talk to a friend about the fact that she is broke, or dealing with a boyfriend's crazy ex-wife...important stuff, not just chit-chat. But every time I let Sam off his leash, the teacher gets upset with me. I put things back into their place, but she comes out of her office and turns a puzzle 37 degrees right and whines, "I feel like I am repeating myself everyday. Just get in and get out."

I'm almost afraid that she won't let Sam into the school because a) she sees how crazy he is; and b) she will have to deal with me for another two years. As much as I am annoyed, I have to say that I am impressed with how much the girls are learning and I have nothing to do with it.